By: Tracy Galuski, PhD

“Your kids are so well-behaved, you are lucky. I can barely get out of the house some days.”

We’ve all been there - the crawling baby who empties the kitchen cupboards, the toddler who screams his way through the grocery store or the preschooler who refuses to get dressed in the morning. There are many different ways to react to these situations and when we find ourselves frustrated or reacting in ways that are too punitive or not effective try reframing from the perspective of positive guidance.

What is positive guidance?

It is when we look at each situation through the lens of child development and guiding children’s behavior. By reframing the situation we can move beyond a reaction and towards a more effective response. Punishment, which is punitive and harsh and doesn't consider children's developmental needs, is replaced with responses which teach children how to modify and control their own behavior as they grow and mature. Rather than expecting an immediate change in your child's behavior, think about behavior as a developmental process that takes time to master. Let’s consider how positive guidance might look as children grow and learn over time.

Older Infant

“Every time I turn around she is in a kitchen cupboard! It’s so frustrating!”

Respond by giving infants opportunities to explore in a safe environment: Instead of locking up all of the kitchen cupboards with safety locks, open one and encourage her to explore it. Fill it with plastic storage containers, sealed packages of pasta that rattle when shaken or mixing bowls and spoons. She will quickly grow out of the “dump and fill” stage. Reframe the situation so that it works for both of you.

Toddler

“He makes me so angry! No matter how much I complain, he splashes in the sink every time he is in the bathroom. Why can’t he just listen?”

Respond by setting limits: As a family, set very clear limits for behaviors that are important to you and reinforce them consistently. Perhaps no drinks are allowed in the living room or no one jumps off the couch. The specific rules don’t matter, just determine what they are and stick to them.

Respond with redirection: This technique is especially effective with toddlers because it channels their energy into something positive. Instead of just saying, "Don't splash!" You could say, 'Lets find a better place for you to play with the water." Set aside some dishes for him to wash. Fill up the sink with bubbles, lay out a few towels and put him to work. Sure, it may take longer to complete your chores, but won’t it be fun to have a helper? The child who keeps jumping off the couch might need a special place where jumping is allowed.

Preschooler

“My daughter argues about getting dressed every day. I used to pick out an outfit and help her put it on, now she wants to pick out her own clothes and nothing every matches...”

Your child will gain confidence in making her own decisions within an appropriate framework.

Respond by offering choices: Hold up two pieces of clothing and ask her to select one. It may take some practice, but by offering choices she will learn to select one and follow through.

Respond with logical consequences: Within reason let your child feel the natural consequences of her actions. This technique allows children the freedom they need and also allows children to learn from the unintentional consequences of their choices. For example, the child that insists on wearing a pair of pants that are still too large may spend the morning pulling them up.

Think of other choices you might offer. Encourage her to select which vegetable to prepare for dinner, or which chore to complete before she watches television. Focus on what’s important and let go of the things that aren’t, such as whether or not the pink pants match the rainbow sweater.

None of these techniques will magically transform your children, but if you treat behavior as a developmental process you may find that a combination of techniques, when consistently applied, will be helpful. Be positive as you guide them to appropriate behaviors. Keep it light. One day you may remember with a smile the day your daughter wore that silly outfit to the zoo.

References: Gestwicki, C. (2014). Developmentally Appropriate Practice: Curriculum and development in early education (5th ed.). Belmont, Calif.: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.

 About the Author: Tracy Galuski, PhD is an Assistant Professor and Area Coordinator for Early Childhood Studies at Empire State College, the Center for Distance Learning. She brings stories of her experiences as a mother, teacher, and  administrator to her online classes as she teaches topics in early childhood and child development.      

By: Jarrod Green

Often in my preschool, while sitting around the lunch table, a child will say, “Open my yogurt.” If I don’t respond immediately he’ll repeat: “Open my yogurt!” I’ll turn and say, “Could you ask me a different way?” And he’ll say, “Please!” with a look of victory on his face.

He’s used the magic word! And the magic word, in his experience, is really magic: when he says it, people magically do what he wants them to do. It’s even better than that, because he doesn’t even have to remember when to say it. When it’s required, someone will remind him, “Say the magic word.”

“Give me a cookie!”

“Say the magic word.”

“Please!”

“Here you go!”

But is adding the word "please" to a request actually politeness? Politeness is being conscious of other people and using your voice and actions to convey respect for them; it’s using your socialized brain to regulate your desires. Shouting a syllable when prompted? Not actually very polite. We can’t expect children to behave like adults—nor would we want them to! But childhood is the best time to learn the appropriate way to treat others.

Luckily, guiding a child to speak kindly isn’t that hard. Children learn to use whatever behavior is effective to get their needs met. For instance, when your infant needs help with food he might wave his hands and make noises. But over time he learns to make intentional gestures like holding the food out to you, because when he does this, you understand what he means, so he gets his food more quickly. The same principle helps your child graduate from gestures to words—words are simply more effective.

You can use the same principle to guide your child to speak politely. All you have to do is make sure that polite communication is more effective than impolite communication. When your child demands that you open his yogurt (with or without the “magic word”) all you have to do is not open the yogurt. You might say, “Could you ask me a different way?”—or you might simply smile and raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to remember. Children use the behavior that’s effective. If a demanding tone of voice doesn’t work on you, I promise, your child will try something different. 

Remember, too, that children need models for positive behaviors. If you want him to be polite...

• use a kind voice when you ask him to pass the salt;
• wait until he’s done with his game before you tell him to clean up;
• don’t ask him to go get you something the moment he sits down;
• ...and make sure you’re being polite to other people when your child is around.

Lest you worry, being polite towards children does not mean giving up authority. In my classroom I use a kind voice when I say, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but when you’re done reading that book, it will be time to clean up.” That politeness doesn’t mean that clean-up is optional; children quickly learn that I mean what I say, and that I follow through on rules and consequences. I’m just not rude about it.

Early childhood is the time when children learn to treat others with consideration. But all too often saying “the magic word” gets you the thing you want without you having to actually be considerate. Words matter, but so does what’s behind the words. Let’s take away the magic of “the magic word,” and start teaching kids politeness.

About the Author: Jarrod Green is a teacher and administrator at The Children’s Community School, a preschool in Philadelphia. More of his writing, as well as his podcast and his children’s album, can be found at http://jarrodgreen.net.

My almost 5-year-old son is very tired during the day, even though he gets 10 hours of sleep most nights. He is in school now, so he can’t take daily naps. I’ve noticed that he kicks a lot during the night. Should I look into another cause, like periodic limb movement disorder?

By age 5, most children no longer need naps, so not napping is unlikely to explain the fatigue. Ten hours of sleep is enough for most children his age although the necessary amount varies from child to child. So sleep quality may indeed be the problem.

A number of disorders can disturb a good night’s sleep, including narcolepsy and obstructive sleep apnea, which is commonly caused by allergies, asthma and obesity. Periodic limb movement disorder is another cause to consider when a child (or adult) kicks or moves his legs while asleep and is tired during the day. (Certain kinds of seizures can also cause unusual movement during sleep.) Child sleep experts Judy Owens, M.D., and Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., note that PLMD is often missed because the symptoms are not reported. Also, many doctors don’t know about of this condition. PLMD is relatively common in adults, especially as they age. But not until recently has the condition been recognized in children.

Your pediatrician could refer you a pediatric sleep specialist who can conduct a sleep study, make a diagnosis and recommend treatment. Such a study is carried out in a sleep lab (usually in a hospital), where the child spends the night – and where a parent should be encouraged to stay too. The lab monitors and records the child’s heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, movements and brain waves through the night.

A child with PLMD may also have Restless Legs Syndrome. A child with PLMD isn’t aware he’d kicking RLS, however, involves an uncomfortable sensation in the legs, often described as a tingling, or the need to move. Children with RLS will resist going to bed at night because lying down brings on the distressing sensations at their worst. Both RLS and PLMD seem more common in children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Some scientists think that similar brain chemicals may be involved in the conditions. Sleep disorders often lead to irritability and other behavioral problems at school, with related trouble in concentrating and remembering. But these problems often clear up when sleep quality improves.

PLMD’s cause is unclear, but the condition appears to run in families. It may be associated with iron and folate deficiencies. Sometimes, if the deficiencies are treated, the condition abates. (PLMD is also more common in children with leukemia, but most children with the disorder do not have leukemia.) Usually, however , PLMD persists. Medication may effectively treat it. Avoid caffeine, present in many soft drinks, and be sure that the child devotes an adequate amount of time to sleep. Some doctors think that moderate exercise a few hours before bedtime may help.

(For more information, see "Take Charge of Your Child’s Sleep," by Judith A. Owens, M.D., and Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D, published by Marlowe & Co.)

By Yi-Chin Lan

There are many ways to enjoy reading with your child. Here are a few ways to make reading a fun part of your everyday life.

1. Develop family reading routines and rituals

Find a regular time of day when you can dedicate story time into your day. You can read in the morning, after school, or before bedtime! Making story time a cozy routine makes reading an essential and pleasant activity.

2. Read what interests your child

The nutrition facts on the milk box, newspapers, recipes, maps, and game instructions all make great reading material if your child is interested.

3. Try books that reflect your daily experiences

Making connections to topics you read about is a fun way to keep children engaged. For example, you can read You Can’t Take a Balloon into the Metropolitan Museum with your child before or after visiting an art museum. This opens up opportunities for conversations like discussing similarities and differences between the book and the museum visit.

Or read Dr. Seuss’s In a People House and then ask your child if they see any similar items, how they work, or even create a new book based on what’s inside your own home.

4. Let your child select books

When you visit the library, let your child select books. Try both fiction and informational books. Ask the librarian for recommendations based on your child’s interests.

5. Reread your child’s favorites

It’s common for young children to request the same book again and again. Re-reading familiar stories offers children a chance to absorb information over time and lets them master the whole story.

6. Encourage storytelling

Encourage your child to tell you a story from time to time or to retell a story after you’ve read it several times. Don’t feel the need to correct how she’s telling the story. Let her enjoy the experience of storytelling.

7. Have fun while reading

Try whatever style feels comfortable for you and your child. Some ways families have fun with stories include:

• Acting out the story while reading by using facial expressions, gestures, body movements, and voices to make the story come to life.
• Making the story relevant to your child’s life by adapting the story to include her name, a friend’s name, or your pet’s name. For example, surprise your child by saying “Olivia, Olivia, what do you see?” when you read Eric Carle’s Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?
• Finding props to go along with favorite stories and offering them to your child to use in her play.

8. Change your setting!

It can be fun to read books in different places in and around your home. Try reading Eric Carle’s The Very Lonely Firefly in a dark room with a flashlight. I’ve read The lamb and the butterfly (written by Arnold Sundgaard, illustrated by Eric Carle) to a group of four-year-olds on the grass, and when they saw a butterfly fly by, they associated it with the one in the story! You can even ask your child where she wants to read a particular story.

9. Try one of these books that trigger children's interest in reading

Adam Lehrhaupt’s Warning: Do not open this book! Is a great example of a book that draws children into the act of reading. Children wonder: “Why can’t I open this book?” and read on. Here are some others:

• Don’t Push The Button by Bill Cotter
• Go Away, Big Green Monster! by Ed Emberley
• How To Hide a Lion by Helen Stephens I
• If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff
• Maisy’s Fairground by Lucy Cousins (check out Maisy series at http://www.goodreads.com/series/93187-maisy)
• My Granny’s Purse And My Mummy’s Bag by P. H. Hanson
• Press Here by Herve Tullet
• Tap to Play by Salina Yoon
• The Foggy Foggy forest by Nick Sharratt
• Where’s Wally? by Martin Handford

10. Get to know your child and your own reading style

• Knowing your child and your own reading style is important for three main reasons:
• It offers you an opportunity to observe what interests your child. Be it science, art, interactive books or wordless books, you will figure out her current interest and support her in appropriate ways.
• You won’t impose your preferences on your child; instead, you will share what you like with each other and get a chance to explore those beyond your favorites.
• It allows your child to understand and respect that every individual reads differently and it is okay.

There are lots of ways to encourage and enjoy reading. Try these ideas and do more of what your child enjoys.

Yi-Chin Lan received her PhD in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Texas at Austin. When she worked as a kindergarten teacher, she read her students at least three books a day. Her favorite picture books are Miss Rumphius, Guess how much I love you, and Not a box. She can be reached at lollipop0913@gmail.com

Many of your child’s daily activities—like getting dressed, eating, and writing—require control of small muscles in the hands. We call these skills fine motor skills. Your child can do more things for himself when he has opportunities to practice these skills. There are lots of activities that can increase muscle strength and coordination, preparing children for more advanced skills, from writing with a pencil, using a computer mouse, or playing a musical instrument. Help your child build fine motor skills at home by providing opportunities to...

• Set the table
• Hold knives, forks, and spoons to eat
• Pour juice into a cup
• Wipe the table with a sponge
• Help with meals—stir, shake, chop, cut, and mix
• Get dressed—button, zip, snap, buckle, and fasten
• Use Velcro tabs
• Open and close containers with lids
• Cut with child-safe scissors
• Finger paint
• Use a paintbrush
• Play with playdough and clay—roll, smoosh, pat, pound, and use tools like popsicle sticks or stamps
• Draw, scribble, or write with crayons, pencils, and markers
• Put together puzzles
• Place pegs in a board
• Build with small blocks
• Play board games
• Play with puppets

Source: Adapted from  "Getting a Grip on Things: Building Fine Motor Skills,” Message in a Backpack, 2010, Teaching Young Children 3 (5): 26–28.

By Peggy Ashbrook

1. Spinning Tops

Concept: Use these toys as tools to explore motion.

How to support exploration: Ask your child open-ended questions (questions with more than a yes or no answer). How hard do you have to push each type of top before it begins to spin? Are light or heavy tops easier to spin? Are tall or short tops easier to spin? Can a top with a penny taped to it maintain a spin?
 
Where to purchase: Look for tops in party stores or in catalogues that sell small plastic party favors. 

2. Magnifiers

Concept: Tools can extend our senses, allowing us to obtain more information than we would be able to on our own. Magnifiers extend our sight by making objects look bigger. 
How to support exploration: This tool is fun to use to make the world look blurry and our eyes look huge, and to look closely at everything! Magnifiers reveal aspects of nature that are too small to see with just our eyes. Examine skin, coins, flower structures, and insects—all objects with small parts that make up the whole. 

Variation: Fill a round, clear plastic jar with water and have your children look at their hands or a picture through the jar. Children often notice the change in apparent size. Ask them, “Did your hand look bigger?” Then let them examine it and ask, “Did my hand really get bigger, or did it just look bigger?” Take another look so children can be certain of their answer. Have your children pinch the lens of a magnifying glass between two fingers and gently run their fingers across it to notice that the magnifier is not flat but has a curved surface, just like the jar!

Where to purchase: Drug stores and discount stores sell inexpensive plastic magnifiers, or you can order them from a scientific supply company. 

3. Eye Droppers or Pipettes

Concept: As children use eyedroppers and pipettes to move liquids, they learn a lot about how liquids behave. For example, they learn that when they squeeze the bulb the dropper pushes air out, and when they release the bulb it pulls water in. Children this age can also observe that water forms drops.

How to support exploration: Show your child how to squeeze the dropper to force the air out of the bulb and how to release it to allow it to pop back into shape, drawing in air or liquid as it reforms. Your child can feel the air as it leaves the dropper by holding the dropper up to her cheek (away from her eyes) as she squeezes the bulb. Use the dropper to suck up small amounts of rain from a puddle or to mix colored water from one dish with water of a different color in another. Turn the dropper upside down to create a fountain. All of these activities have the added benefit of helping your child develop small motor control. 

Where to purchase: Buy just a few at a pharmacy or dollar store or order many from a scientific education supply company.

4. Bubbles and Bubble Wands

Concept: Bubbles teach children about geometry (shapes) and give them an awareness of air movement. How long will the bubble last, and where will it float?
How to support exploration: Bend a pipe cleaner into a square-shaped bubble wand and ask your child to predict what shape the bubbles will take. Introduce less common words like “sphere” as you blow bubbles to give your child the ability to describe a three dimensional shape and to expand his vocabulary. 

Where to purchase: Look for bubble solution in party stores year-round or, during the warm months, in drug stores and discount stores.

5. Balls

Concept: Use balls of the same size but differing weights to explore how the mass (what we feel as weight) of an object affects its motion.

How to support exploration: Which ball will roll farther if we give them the same push—the heavier ball or the lighter ball? Children become very familiar with the effects of the pull of gravity as they throw or kick balls. They explore the properties of materials when they compare the height of the bounce of balls made of different materials. They will draw on these kinesthetic experiences in later science learning. 

Where to purchase: Buy a variety of balls at toy stores, drug stores, and discount stores in the toy or sports sections.

6. Mirrors

7. Magnets

Concept: Children can play with magnetic force and explore this property of materials. By using the phrase, “attracted to the magnet,” instead of “sticking to the magnet,” you reinforce that there is no “stickiness” involved—magnetism is a force that pulls or pushes. How it does this involves understanding that all materials are made of tiny pieces too small to see (atoms), a concept that children will build toward understanding around age 10. There is no need to rush this understanding. In early childhood, children can understand that being attracted by a magnet, or not, is the nature of a material. 

How to support exploration: Ask questions such as, “What objects in my house can be attracted to a magnet?” and “Can magnetic force work through fabric?” Put the magnet in a sock and see if it can still attract objects. 

Where to purchase: Be sure to buy magnets that are too large for a child to swallow. These can be found in hardware stores or toy stores, or they can be ordered from preschool, or scientific, education supply companies.

Young children learn to think in new ways when they imagine, guess, describe, and wonder. Try these books to engage your child’s curiosity and to inspire her to see different views of the world.

(Note: Many of these books are available in Spanish, and can be purchased as a hardcover, paperback, or board book.)

Round Like a Ball, by Lisa Campbell Ernst. 2008.

The book begins with a familiar guessing game: "I’m thinking of something that’s round like a ball.” Each page offers a new clue. The paper cutout shape in each illustration is a visual hint to the answer. What’s round like a ball? It’s the Earth! Although this book introduces many facts about Planet Earth, you can also use it to spark a conversation about color, shape, and size.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

Not a Box (2006) and Not a Stick (2007), by Antoinette Portis.

These books feature simple line drawings that will spark your child’s imagination. When asked, “Why are you sitting on that box?” a rabbit replies, “It’s not a box,” then demonstrates that it’s a racecar, a mountain, and a robot. In Not a Stick, a pig imagines his stick becoming a sword, a horse, and more. These books will inspire your child to consider many different ways to imagine and pretend.

Available in English and Spanish. Can be purchased as a hardcover, paperback, and board book.

Just How Long Can a Long String Be?! by Keith Baker. 2009.

In this story, a bird and an ant discuss all the uses for a piece of simple white string. The examples are imaginative and each contains a sense of purpose or fun, such as “[hanging] a picture on a wall” and “[helping] the sweet pea vines grow tall.” As the string winds its way from page to page, the book imparts a feeling of connectedness among all things in the world, and will encourage your child to think about the many uses of simple things.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

Duck! Rabbit! by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichtenheld. 2009.

In this funny book, two unseen characters disagree on what kind of animal stands before them. Is the creature a duck with a bill? A rabbit with tall ears? The answer is that it all depends on how you look at things. This clever book reveals that sometimes there really is more than one right answer.

Available in English and Spanish. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

Source: Adapted from S. Friedman, 2010, "Stretch Children's Thinking," Now Read This!, Teaching Young Children 3 (4): 3.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

By: Julia Luckenbill

When you talk to your child, you support her language development.  Think about what you are saying from your infant or toddler’s point of view.  If she could talk, she might ask you...

1.  When I point to something, tell me what it is. While you are telling me, look at it and point to it too.

2.  Use a gesture along with the word you say, so that I can say it too.  If you tell me it is time to eat, tap you lips.  I can imitate the gesture and tell you when I’m hungry.

3.  Talk to me about what you are doing. Tell me what will happen next, so I will know what to expect.

4. Talk to me about what I am doing. Using words to describe my actions and feelings helps me learn those words too.

5. Take turns chatting back and forth with me.  Listen to what I am saying –then imitate my coos or babbles.  If I’m older, you can reply to my questions and ask your own.  I like open-ended questions that don’t have right or wrong answers.

6. Model bigger and better sentences.  If I say, “Two cat,” you can say, “You have two cats on your shirt!”  I learn a lot from you.

7.  Sing with me.  It’s easier to learn words in songs.  I can learn about rhymes, the ABC song, the colors of my clothing, and the names of my friends.

8. Take me to the library.  Read me a book, let me decide how you do it and when we are done. Let me mouth board books, handle them and decide which to explore. Check out the thrift store and buy me a few board books (wipe them with a damp cloth). At home, attach felt tabs to them, and I will be able to turn the pages more easily, all by myself.

9. Make books about me.  When I see myself in a book, I will learn that books can be about things in my life.

10. Show me the words on things.  When you point out words in books and on containers, I begin to understand how printed and spoken words are connected.

11. Be playful while I learn:  I like to ask you what shape the cookie cutter alphabet has made.  You can say, "You made the letter L," or ask, "I wonder what letter you made?" It’s less fun to be asked, “What’s this?” 

12.  Give me time to learn and explore.  There’s no rush to learn the names of colors, letters, and things.  I will learn them in my own time.

Is it true that a baby’s multivitamin intake should be stopped after age 3 months to prevent vitamin dependency?

We all depend on vitamins – molecules by which our bodies carry out chemical reactions that keep us healthy. Ordinarily the necessary vitamins come from a balanced diet and a little sunshine (five to 15 minutes three times a week) to activate vitamin D.

Some diseases and medications interfere with the absorption and metabolism of vitamins. A few rare hereditary diseases also cause vitamin deficiencies, despite a healthy diet; among the potentially affected vitamins are B6, B12 and D. Children with these diseases may need to take regular supplements of the deficient vitamin to overcome their body’s inability to absorb or metabolize it.

We have never heard about multivitamins’ causing vitamin dependency. Multivitamin supplements aren’t necessary if a child eats a balanced diet. But many children don’t eat such a diet, especially in the first few years, and multivitamins can help them get the vitamins they need.

During the first year or two, iron and vitamin D are likely to be in short supply. In the first weeks of a baby’s life, we recommend that parents discuss iron and vitamin D supplements with their pediatrician. Although breast milk is the best source of nutrition for babies, breast-fed infants often don’t get enough vitamin D, nor do babies who take in less than a quart a day of formula, which is usually fortified with vitamin D. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that infants take in 400 international units of vitamin D per day. Your pediatrician can guide you to the proper dose for your baby.

Depending on a mother’s diet, breast milk may not contain enough iron, though iron in breast milk is better absorbed than the iron in fortified formula. Your pediatrician can also determine your baby’s need for iron supplements. Inadequate amounts can cause iron-deficiency anemia. During the first years of life, when the brain is growing faster than at any other time, inadequate iron intake has also been linked to learning disabilities that may only become evident later. Paying attention to nutritional needs from the beginning can make a big difference.

Between about 12 and 36 months, many children struggle to control what they eat and often limit their food intake to a few familiar items that may not contain the nutrients they need. Many children take time to adjust to new tastes and textures. Often a parent may have to introduce a small amount of the same new food up to 15 times before a child will even try it. The process goes more smoothly if a parent simply places the new food on the plate without comment or pressure. Even gentle cajoling leads to more resistance. If you only offer a tiny taste each time, it will be less overwhelming for the child – and a little easier for you to put up with her refusal.

Multivitamins and regular visits to the pediatrician can reassure parents that a child’s growth is on track. Then parents may be less tempted to wage food battles with their children – which parents will surely lose. There is no way to make a child eat something against her will. Repeated struggles over food are likely to lead to more struggles and perhaps even more serious eating problems later.

My 3-year-old son is a very picky eater. As we weaned him from baby food and bottles around age 1, he refused to eat anything other than yogurt and crackers. I assumed it was just a transition issue that would sort itself out as he grew older. He is now almost 4 and refuses even yogurt, sticking only to Cheerios, crackers, apples, applesauce and milk. He takes a daily multivitamin. He continues to grow taller and gain weight at a normal rate. I’ve encouraged him to try new foods but I haven’t pressured him too much because he can be very determined when he makes a decision. Am I doing the right thing to wait it out?

You don’t have much choice. You can’t force a child to eat. You’re doing the right thing by giving your son a daily multivitamin (be sure it also contains iron), taking him to the pediatrician for regular growth checks – and, hardest of all, not pressuring him too much.

We urge you to see if you can make the move to not pressuring him at all. Why? Every time he senses your attention to what he’s eating, you’re giving him power over you. The power struggle may distract him from the pleasures of eating. Even a little pressure can turn the dinner table into a battlefield. Parental hovering can be counterproductive whether it’s pressure (“just one bite”) or praise (“you tried the broccoli – good job”). Cajoling and bribing may backfire. Let eating be his issue, not yours.

Holding back can be difficult when you fear you may not be fulfilling one of your most important responsibilities as a parent – making sure your child is well fed. Yet you may help him get closer to this goal when you turn it over to him. Your job is to present him with the food, whether or not he eats it.

At each meal, you can add to his standard fare a small amount of a new food he hasn’t tried, just enough so that if you have to throw it away you won’t feel frustrated or discouraged – which he’s bound to notice. Many children need to be presented with a small amount of the same kind of food at 15 successive meals before they’ll give it a try.

Children’s taste buds mature over time. Tastes that bother them at an earlier age are easier for them to accept later. For some children, specific food textures may be troublesome. So as you pick a new food to introduce, start with ones that aren’t too different in taste and texture from those he likes. Since milk seems to be his only source of protein, you might try adding protein-rich food to his diet – for example, ground meat, egg, beans or nuts. Perhaps you can spread a teaspoonful on the crackers he likes.

Your other job is to keep mealtimes relaxed and fun. You may need to take a deep breath and accept that your son will only eat what he decides to put in his mouth.

Regular checks from a pediatrician can reassure you. A consultation with a nutritionist may help, too. When mealtimes are sociable rather than stressful, the positive associations of being together and enjoying each other’s company are likely to make the food on his plate seem tastier – but not if he gets even the slightest inkling of your strategy.

(For more information: “Feeding: The Brazelton Way,” by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua Sparrow, M.D. Da Capo Press.)

When you arrive home with your new baby, I’d suggest that you have a special toy ready to give to your older child – preferably a "baby" of his own that he can feed and diaper as you attend to the newborn. If he’s more interested in trucks, give him one that he can fuel and wash. Thus he has the chance to imitate your nurturing and learn from it.

Don’t be afraid to set limits on how much he can handle the new baby. Limits will reassure him as his feelings about her come to the surface. If he wants to hold her "like you do," ask him to sit in a chair. You will need to stay right by his side. Then he can learn to put one hand under her neck and head to protect her. He can learn to cuddle her, to give her a water bottle. He can begin to learn how to help diaper her and to talk to her as he does so. He will be learning how to be a big brother – with you nearby.

If the older child soon loses interest in being a big brother, don’t be surprised and don’t make too much of it. Though he may at times be proud of his new role, it’ll be a burden for him, too. He may want to be your baby again. He may fall back on behavior you’d thought he’d outgrown. Don’t expect too much of him right now.

Many children who are just discovering what it means to be an older sibling begin to be cruel to the dog or cat. Stop your child firmly and let him know that you can’t allow this behavior. Help him with his feelings by letting him know that his anger is understandable, even though he can’t take it out on the pet. It won’t help if these feelings go underground.

An older child is likely to feel that the new baby has displaced him because he was not "good enough" or even "bad." A 3- or 4-year-old can often recall mischief that angered you and made you, in his mind, want to replace him. He is bound to feel that if he could have been all that you wanted, you’d not have needed a new baby. A child who is 6 or 7 or older may just ignore the baby – and you. He may even seem to disappear because he’s spending more time with friends or dawdling on his way home from school. Instead of being your companion as you get to know the baby, he seems to want to avoid you – to punish you. Time alone with you – and your willingness to listen and to answer questions – will become all the more important.

HELPING A CHILD ADJUST TO A NEW BABY

• If you have just returned from a stay in the hospital, tell the older child how much you missed him while you were away.
• Let him know that the baby has been added to the family and is not a replacement: "Now you have a brand-new baby sister. But nobody could ever be just like you."
• Hold him close and remind him of experiences you’ve shared and will share again.
• If he pushes you to discipline him, remember that limits can be especially significant for him now. To him, limits mean that his parents "haven’t changed, still love me, and will stop me when I need it."
• Don’t urge him to be "a good big brother." This job won’t always seem appealing. It will mean more when he finds his own motivation to fill the role.
• Guard against wanting him to grow up too fast. He will grow up, when he’s ready. And his younger sibling is already pushing him enough.

(This article is adapted from "Understanding Sibling Rivalry," by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua D. Sparrow, M.D., published by Da Capo Press, a member of The Perseus Books Group.)

Squishing, rolling, sculpting, molding . . . young children love to play with playdough. Add some props from around the home and playdough play becomes a powerful way to support your child’s learning. This simple preschool staple lets children use their imaginations and strengthen the small muscles in their fingers—the same muscles they will one day use to hold a pencil and write. Using playdough with you, a friend, or siblings supports your child’s social skills such as sharing, taking turns, and enjoying being with other people. Playdough also encourages children’s language and literacy, science, and math skills—all at the same time!

Homemade or out of a can, playdough  can provide hours of fun and learning at home. Besides the playdough, all you need are a clear surface, a few household items, and lots of time for fun.

What children learn

Playdough play at home or school supports development and learning in many areas. When children use playdough, they explore ideas and try different approaches until they find one that works. They compare and contrast objects ("Mine’s a fat pancake and yours is skinny”), actions ("No, don’t cut it! Scrape it, like this”), and experiences ("We’re not making a snake—we’re making a road”). In their experimenting, children come up with their own ideas, satisfy their curiosity, and analyze and solve problems. These are all skills that help children learn and succeed in school.

Social and emotional development

Creating with playdough lets children feel competent ("I’m good at rolling the dough”) and proud of their accomplishments ("Hey, I made a dog”). Pounding, flattening, and squeezing are healthy and safe outlets for extra energy. They can also help children cope with strong feelings. When children seem stressed or angry, get out the playdough and props!
     
During playdough time at school, children talk about what they’re making and how. Re-create this atmosphere at home by inviting siblings or playmates and including yourself in the play. Make comments about their work ("You cut it again”). Ask questions so children can describe and think about what they are doing ("What does this do?”). Connect their play to the real world ("Can you make a red tomato? A green one might not be ripe”). Teach cooperation ("I can help you make your car”), and observe and compare actions ("I’m rolling my dough too”). Interactions like these contribute to development and learning, helping to prepare children for success in school and in life.

Creativity and imagination

With playdough, young children express their ideas through art and make-believe play. At the same time, they learn symbolic thinking by pretending that the playdough is something else ("That thing with the antlers is a moose”).

As 3-year-old Anna plays, she makes and names her many creations:

Anna squeezes a piece of playdough and rolls it back and forth between her hands. "I made a worm!” she exclaims. Then she makes another long object and places it on top of the first one. "I made another worm—a bigger one!” Then Anna squishes some playdough together; There’s a turkey sandwich for you.” Next, she rolls a ball of dough around, pounds it down on the table, and sticks several plastic knives vertically into the pile. "Look, a birthday cake with candles!” Anna declares. She pokes the pile with a spoon, raises the spoon to her mouth, and pretends to eat. "Yummy!” she says.

As Anna makes her cake and eats it too, she engages in simple pretend play. Your child might  pretend to make tortillas, dumplings, or pizza, or create alligators, airplanes, or houses.
       
Older preschoolers—say, 4- or 5-year-olds—often make detailed playdough creations. With one or more friends, they may imagine themselves to be construction workers building a highway, prehistoric hunters pursuing a woolly mammoth, or pastry chefs baking and selling cookies, cupcakes, and donuts at a bakery. You can join in their pretend play too!

Language and literacy

Through playdough play at home, children practice listening to and talking with friends, siblings, and adults (you!). Materials like playdough help children build their vocabulary as they explain what they are doing. For example, when a child exclaims, "Chop!” as she brings down the plastic knife, she uses just the right word to describe her action.
        
Children use language to invent stories about their playdough creations. You may notice your child using facts or ideas from books you’ve read together. Children also refer to things they did or saw in their everyday lives ("This is a burrito like we had at lunch”). 
        
When the two of you make a batch of playdough together, your child learns about print and why people write. Following the recipe helps him connect written and spoken words and learn that writing can be used for different purposes. In this case, the writing explains how to make playdough. Encourage him to roll snakes and use them to form letters. Discuss action words like pound and slice and descriptive words like mushy and sticky.
        
These types of experiences help children learn new words and communicate their thoughts and ideas effectively—skills they will need when they learn to read and write in the primary grades.

Science

Young children learn about science through hands-on experiences. They learn by observing, thinking, and talking about how materials feel and how they change. You can encourage scientific thinking. Provide sawdust or sand to add to the playdough and then talk about how this new kind of dough looks and feels. Introduce words like texture, grainy, smooth, and lumpy.
        
Your child might declare, "I’m making this flat!” as she pushes down on playdough with the palm of her hand. Or she may say, "I’m making it soft,” as she adds water to dry playdough to make it more pliable. When you ask, "What do you think would happen if we added too much water?” you are helping her understand the scientific concept of cause and effect.

Math

Measure and count while you make a batch of playdough together. Your child can learn about measurement and numbers by filling the cup and comparing the size of teaspoons and tablespoons, and about counting as he adds the ingredients.  
        
Children note changes in shape and size as they comment on, compare, and contrast the objects they make ("I made a triangle” and "Mine is a tiny ball and yours is big”). Others notice who has more or less playdough. Ask your child to count how many pieces she is making or to arrange her creations by size or color. Encourage mathematical thinking by asking, "What shape is that?” “Which snake is longer?” or “How many pieces do you have now?”

These play experiences encourage children to practice counting, learn about shapes (geometry) and how they relate to each other (spatial sense), and practice sorting and classifying. Such mathematical ways of thinking prepare children for learning more complex math concepts in the coming years.

Physical development

While poking, rolling, and squishing playdough, children develop the small muscles in their fingers and hands. They use hands, fingers, and tools to pound, push, poke, shape, flatten, roll, cut, and scrape. Through these manipulations, children develop eye-hand coordination, the ability to match hand movement with eye movement. They also gain strength and improve dexterity in their hands and fingers, critical areas of physical development for writing, drawing, and other purposes.

Playdough is a powerful learning tool for many reasons. And when you play with playdough at home with your children, you’ll discover the most important reason of all: it’s just plain fun!

Playdough recipes

Download PDF versions of both playdough recipes. 

Source: Adapted from M.I. Swartz, 2005, “Playdough: What’s Standard about It?,” Young Children 60 (2): 100–09.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

Children need to move their bodies and eat healthy foods. Families can promote healthy habits by encouraging children to eat nutritious foods and get some exercise every day. Here are some suggestions.

• Follow the nutrition guidelines for children under 6. Information on nutritious foods, portion sizes, and sample menus for planning snacks and meals are available free through the USDA.

• Eat meals together. You’ll know what your child is eating, you can model appropriate choices and portion sizes, and you'll have fun talking and spending time as a family.

• Steer your child toward healthier choices at fast food restaurants. Look for salads, sliced apples, baby carrots, and low-fat milk in colorful containers.

• Offer fun, healthy snacks. Ants on a log (celery sticks with peanut butter or cream cheese topped with raisins), sliced fresh fruit on a skewer, or raw vegetables and low-fat yogurt dip are favorites of many young children.

• Teach your child to listen to his or her stomach. When children do this, they’ll learn to know when they have had enough to eat. It takes 15 to 20 minutes after eating to know if you’re really hungry for seconds.

• Plan a taste-testing event. Family members can taste and vote on new, healthy foods—veggie burgers, baby spinach, turkey hot dogs, whole wheat pasta, kiwis, and the like. Then make the favorites part of your regular menu.

• Give hugs and kisses—not food—for comfort and encouragement. This simple action helps children associate eating healthy foods with taking care of themselves. They are likely to grow up to be adults who avoid using food as a reward or a way to cope with stress.

• Limit your children’s screen time. Instead of watching television or playing on the computer, spend time together—go for a run, kick a ball around, ride bikes (or trikes), or take a nature hike.

• Walk instead of driving to nearby places. Leave the stroller at home. Park a few blocks from the store and walk the rest of the way. Get off the bus a stop or two away from your destination and walk the remainder.

Source: Adapted from the Message in a Backpack for L. Colker, 2008, "Trends in Children's Well-Being," News from the Field, Teaching Young Children 1 (4): 20–21.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

Young children enjoy many kinds of poems. And as they listen, they hear rhythms, sounds, and language patterns important for literacy development. Encourage the poet within your child with these poetry books and ideas.

Here’s a Little Poem: A Very First Book of Poetry
collected by Jane Yolen and Andrew Fusek Peters. Illus. by Polly Dunbar. 2007.
Selected with young children in mind, each poem relates to their day-to-day lives. The book includes many different kinds of short poems, from the silly “Dressing Too Quickly” to “The No-No Bird” about a child’s tantrum. Children can explore works by a variety of poets, including Jack Prelutsky, Margaret Wise Brown, and Langston Hughes.

In Aunt Giraffe’s Green Garden
by Jack Prelutsky. Illus. by Petra Mathers. 2007
Each of the 28 poems tells a unique rhyming story. Many mention specific U.S. locations. The humor, word choices, and topics are all perfect for preschoolers.

Read a Rhyme, Write a Rhyme
compiled by Jack Prelutsky. Illus. by Meilo
So. 2005.
Short poems describe topics like birthdays, rain, and turtles. “Poemstart” activities offer the first few lines of a new poem with ideas for finishing it. Read the first few lines out loud,then invite children to make up their own endings.

Try this!

Encourage rhyming. Read a short rhyming poem. As you reread it, stop before reading the second rhyming word to invite your child to finish the rhyme himself. It’s OK if children suggest words that don’t make sense or don’t rhyme.

Learn new words. Read a poem that introduces a new word or uses a familiar word in an unusual way. Ask, “Do you know what this word means? What other words could you use instead?”

Talk about what poems might mean. Some poems describe emotions or moods children have experienced. Others describe nature. Some have more than one meaning. After reading a poem, ask, “What do you think the poet was feeling? Have you ever felt like that?” Or "What do you think the poet was describing?"

Create poems. Discuss interests and feelings. Or go outside to find an inspiration in nature. Write down your child's words as she says them. Offer art materials so your child can illustrate her work. Remember, poems do not have to rhyme and can be about anything at all.

Source: Adapted from S. Friedman, 2008, "Poetry Books for Preschooler," Now Read This!,Teaching Young Children 2 (1): 1.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

Most children come home every day with stories to share. Do you stop what you are doing and listen carefully? Your child probably asks a lot of questions. Do you try to answer them? If you do, then you already know the benefits of giving your child time and attention. Teachers call these daily conversations powerful interactions. They help adults and children keep in touch and enjoy being together. These interactions also support children’s learning. Here are some communication tips and examples of the types of things to say.

Acknowledge and accept all of your child’s emotions.
This helps your child feel safe and secure and willing to share all kinds of feelings. “Are you feeling happy? I see a big smile on your face.” "You look a little sad. Is there something you want to talk about?"

Describe what you see your child doing rather than just saying, “Good job.”
He will know that you see and appreciate his efforts. “Wow, you’ve added lots of squiggly lines and circles to your drawing.”

Help your child make connections to familiar experiences, ideas, or information.
“I know you like pineapple. Today we’re having papaya for breakfast. I think you’ll like it as much as pineapple. Let’s see what you think.”

Offer a small challenge to nudge your child to try something new or a bit harder.
“You ran so fast to the fence! This time, can you think of a really slow way to get there?”

Repeat and extend what your child says to you.
As your child looks through a book and says, “I like lizards,” you might say, “I know you like lizards. What do you like about them?’

Use interesting words to build your child’s vocabulary.
“I think this ice cream is delicious. I love the creamy texture and swirls of caramel.”

Source: Adapted from A. Dombro, J. Jablon, & C. Stetson, 2010, "Powerful Interactions Begin with You", Teaching Young Children 4 (1): 12–13.  

Copyright © 2010  A. Dombro, J. Jablon, & C. Stetson.

Family walks, no matter where (around the block, in a park, at the beach), provide wonderful opportunities to explore the mysteries of light and shadows. Your child can learn a lot—like how to make shadows bigger and smaller and how shadows move. Enjoy the walk and the fun of observing shadows and how they change as you move about outdoors.

• Measure the lengths of your shadows using pieces of yarn or string or with a tape measure. Measure the shadows of other objects too, like a parked car, trees, the mailbox, or anything else that casts a shadow. Ask questions or make comments that help your child think:
  • I wonder what will happen to your shadow if you step forward or back?
  • What might happen if we stand close together?
  • Where is the sun in the sky right now? (Ask this at several times of the day.)
  • What happens to shadows on a cloudy day?

• Explore, observe, and enjoy doing and learning about science together!

Source: Adapted from the Message in a Backpack for W.C. Ritz, 2011/2012, "Me and My Shadows,"Teaching Young Children 5 (2): 22–25.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

At age 2 and 3, a child begins to be not only independent but also aware of himself and of other’s feelings.

In the first year, feeding is established as an important form of communication between child and parent. But feeding also becomes a time for play, which is the young child’s most important way of learning about his world.

A child’s passion to learn is so strong it overshadows hunger. Parents are equally passionate about nourishing their child. But in this arena the parents should avoid setting up any battles.

Food Play

When a 3-year-old calls your attention to the “picture” he has made out of carrots and green beans, he is using food to test his new skills. To a parent the “picture” feels like teasing or making a mess with important, hard-earned ingredients.

Parents may remind children about starving children elsewhere in the world. The child senses the pressure, and the message can complicate a child’s attitude toward eating.

My parents were second-generation Texas settlers, steeped in their parents’ struggles to make a living in this new land. I remember my mother’s stern face when I left food on my plate. I found I couldn’t avoid replaying my mother’s strong feelings with my own children.

When they seemed to be “playing with their food,” I had to learn not to comment on it. Should a parent give in to the child’s need to play with food, and let him tease? No. Parents can make it clear that food is for eating, not play. But making an issue of it won’t work.

When a child begins to play with his food, simply remove his plate and tell him, “All done” or “It looks like you’ve finished eating. Did you like it?” Then, remove him from the table and let him settle down to play on his own. Stopping the behavior firmly but gently is far more effective than criticizing or punishing it.

Eventually he will understand that staying at the table with the family depends on his learning to feed himself as everyone else does. He will be far more motivated to imitate adult table manners if punishments are not associated with mealtimes. Manners come later – at age 4 and 5.

Maintain your patience and perspective. A study that documented toddlers who were allowed to choose their own foods over several months showed that the children balanced their diet with all the ingredients necessary for optimal growth.

Strategies for Feeding

• Consider feeding a toddler separately – not in isolation, but at a time and place where food and his choices are not the focus. You and others who won’t comment on his eating can keep him company so that he can learn to look forward to meals as a time to enjoy being together.
• Don’t make special foods for him if you will be disappointed when he refuses them or plays with them.
• Start with the more nourishing food while he likeliest to be hungry.
• Offer two bits of food at a time, then two more, until he begins to drop them or throw them.
• Don’t expect him to be excited by new or different foods.
• Decide beforehand about the limits you’ll set. Then, without excitement, say, “That’s the end of the meal” and put him down.
• Ignore his requests for grazing between meals.
• Relax about a “balanced diet” if the child is healthy and growing.

(This article is adapted from “Feeding: The Brazelton Way,” by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua D. Sparrow, M.D., published by Da Capo Press, a member of The Perseus Books Group.)

May 4-8 is Teacher Appreciation Week! Here are five ideas to show the teachers in your life that you appreciate their work and dedication to young children! 

1. Share how a teacher has impacted your child’s learning! Read one mother’s story and send a card or personal note to your child’s teacher to thank them!

2. Join other families to give the gift of NAEYC membership to your child's teacher. With a membership, teachers will get one one of NAEYC's periodicals or magazines full of learning ideas based on research!

3. Partner with your child’s teacher to support their learning and development! Learn more about how to build a bridge between families and teachers.

4. Surprise your child’s teacher with an NAEYC Best-Selling book!

5. Get creative! Encourage your child to create a meaningful art project that she can give to the teacher as a gift! 

How will you celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week? Share your plans below!

Our Learning Moments is a blog where families share stories about their own and their children’s learning.  Use this form to submit your story ideas.
 

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By: Pamela Sullivan

Physical activity is important for the health and well-being of children.  Not only does staying active help children keep fit, but it helps children form active habits that last into adulthood. Physical activity also helps children develop large and small muscle skills that form the basis of their ability to be active later. 

Why incorporate movement through children’s books?

Children love books and children love to move.  And reading together and moving together are good for children and families. Some books describe movements within the story that serve as an inspiration. Others contain a rhyme or refrain that is fun to move to. Here are some examples:

From Head to Toe by Eric Carle Harper Collins, 2000 (Suggested ages 1-4)  Children and animals demonstrate body movements from head to toe.  Each page shows a child following an animal’s lead in moving a body part and includes this question inviting children to move, “Can you do it?”

The words and the pictures invite children to move.  "I am a penguin and I turn my head.  Can you do it?" "I can do it!"

Movement benefits:

• The picture word combinations and simple movements will be easy for most children to follow. 

Literacy benefits:

• Vocabulary (body parts, terms that describe different ways of moving )
• Teaches your child how to follow directions

The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything by Linda Williams; HarperCollins, 1986 (Suggested ages 3-7)  A little old lady goes into the woods one fall evening and gets a surprise when she encounters pieces of clothing that seem intent on scaring her.  But this little old lady isn’t scared of anything, so she and the clothes must decide what to do.

On the refrain: act out each article of clothing and it’s movement.  You can stomp for the shoes going ‘clomp, clomp’.  You can walk quickly like the Little Old Lady as she tries to avoid the clothes.

Movement benefits:

• A variety of movements, ranging from stomping feet, to nodding and clapping hands.

Literacy benefits:

• Phonological awareness - the ability to hear the sounds that make up words in spoken language( clomp, clap, boo)  
• Vocabulary word (herbs, spices, path, whistled)
• Comprehension (sequencing – putting the events of a story in order, retelling)

Silly Sally by Audrey Wood; HMH Publishers, 1999 (Suggested ages 3-6) Silly Sally goes to town and meets a cast of characters on the way.  Although Sally starts off  ‘backwards, upside down’, she plays with each character she meets along the way.

What to do:

• Wear your ‘Sally Hair’ (red or orange yarn)!
• Make sure you have enough space to move! 
• Walk, march and move backward following the movements described in the story. 
• Take turns being Neddy Buttercup, ticking until you ‘wake up’.

Movement benefits:

• Gross motor skills (marching, jumping, dancing)
• Literacy benefits:
• Vocabulary (jig, loon, tune)
• Following directions
• Phonological awareness (rhyme)
• Comprehension (sequencing, retelling events)

Additional Titles:

Zoom by Diane Adams

Oh! By Kevin Henkes

Shake my Sillies Out by Raffi

Honey, Honey, Lion! By Jan Brett

About the Author: Pamela Sullivan is an Assistant Professor of Reading at James Madison University. She is also the mother of a ‘wiggly, giggly’ five-year-old.