by Karen and Tom Buchanan

Kindergarten teachers are passionate about partnering with the families of their students. When families and teachers work together, kids win!

Here are four things that kindergarten teachers want you know.

1. Parents Play a Critical Role

Kindergarten teachers value you as your child’s first teacher. They are honored to take their place as another significant adult in your child’s life. Kindergarten teachers want to facilitate your child’s continued development and help him learn how to be a successful student in a school setting.

What you can do:

● Welcome your child’s kindergarten teachers as an important partner in your child’s development.

● Share what you have discovered about how your child learns and include examples of times when your child has learned something new.

2. The Value of Families and Teachers Working Together as Partners is Research-Based

Research tells us that when families are involved, children do better academically and socially. Kindergarten teachers are committed to developing a collaborative partnership with your family on behalf of your child’s growth and development.

What you can do:

● Tell the teacher that you sincerely want to work with them to help your child learn and grow.

● Ask the teacher to offer specific ideas and strategies that will involve you in your child’s learning.

3. Communication is Key

Communication with families is such a high priority that kindergarten teachers are willing to use a variety of methods to correspond. Some parents prefer to connect via email or text, while others prefer to receive a phone call or a printed letter in their child’s backpack. Kindergarten teachers want to communicate in the ways that make sense for you and your family.

What you can do:

● Ask the teacher the best way to access information about the classroom and the school.

● Share with the teacher your preferred method of communication.

4. Teachers Want to Know What Makes Your Family Unique

The families we work with have varied backgrounds and different configurations. Kindergarten teachers want you to know that they value the distinctiveness of your family. Learning about those qualities and values that make your family unique, improve our ability to partner in the healthy development of your child.

What you can do:

● Tell your child’s teacher about the unique characteristics of your family.

● Let the teacher know about family changes and challenges at home that may impact your child’s attitudes and behaviors at school.

Building bridges between kindergarten teachers and families is an important step in supporting your child's learning and development. 

Dr. Karen Buchanan teaches in the Doctor of Educational Leadership program at George Fox University.  Dr. Tom Buchanan is Director of the Master’s of Arts in Teaching Program at George Fox University. Tom and Karen share a research passion around family engagement in early childhood settings. This article is a result of a research presentation at NAEYC's 2014 National Institute for Early Childhood Professional Development conference; Building Bridges Between Kindergarten Classrooms and Families.

By: Julia Luckenbill

Recent research shows that infants and toddlers are far more empathetic than we once thought.  While they have short fuses, and don’t cope well with sharing, they are capable of being compassionate.  With this in mind, here are ten tips I use in the classroom to help infants and toddlers become pro-social that families can also try at home.

1.  Be respectful, patient, and loving to your infants and toddlers and everyone else. Infants imitate what they see.  Model saying “please” and “thank you”, touching gently, using your words, using a calm voice, cleaning up your messes, helping others, and sharing your things:

“Thank you for the Cheerio, would you like some of my raisins?”

2.  Media is powerful!  Read books about feelings with positive social interactions and discuss them.  If your child watches television, watch too, and talk about the situations and emotions that happen in the shows, especially if the actions are antisocial. 

“Caillou said that Philip could not use his ball – how did that make Philip feel?  Do you think taking turns might make Philip feel better?” 

3.  When things are upsetting your toddler, you can engage your inner child.  Doll or puppet play can help your child explore feelings and perspectives.  

Puppet, “I don’t want to take a bath!”  You to puppet, “You sound mad – you don’t like baths!  I wonder what things could make bath-time fun?”

4.  When people are upset, model compassion – talk about the problem and offer help. 

“That boy fell off the climber, let’s go see if he’s ok!  His daddy picked him up and the boy stopped crying.  Let’s see if they need a Band-aid…”

5.  Model touching gently on pets and guide toddlers who are rough to touch everyone gently, leave toys in others’ hands and to walk around people rather than pushing.

“Stop!  The puppy is crying because you pulled his fur – touch him like this, that’s gentle.  Let me show you how.  Yes!  That’s gentle! He likes that better”

6.  Point out when harm has been done and suggest ways to make things better.  Point out the facial cues that let you know what is happening. 

“You were mad, but when you bit him, it hurt.  He’s sad.  See his tears?  Let’s help him get some ice.  Next time if he grabs your toy, say, “That’s mine.””

7.  When conflict breaks out, stay calm and support your child’s feelings. Offer solutions and stay close.  It helps to use the same solutions each time, for example, if the conflict involves one child grabbing another child’s toy, get close and hold the toy in question, state the problem, comment on the children’s emotions, offer solutions, find one that is mutually acceptable, and restate the solution.

8.  Point out kindness to others, “He liked it when you gave him the flower, see his smile?”  That was kind of him to hand you the ball.”  Point out social mistakes, “He just pushed you out of the way.  I think he doesn’t have the words yet to tell you that he wants to play over by the balls.  He should have walked around you.” Point out your own mistakes, too, “I made a mistake, I bumped her with your stroller – I’m sorry!”

9. Involve your child in home tasks like cooking and re-gifting.   Talk about the teamwork involved in helping the house run smoothly or the way others will feel when they get the gift.   

“This salad will taste so good, thank you for tearing up the lettuce!” “I bet the new baby will like that bunny – it’s so nice of you to give away the toys you are too big to use.”

10. Stay close and guide your child as she navigates the complex world of feelings. Babies and toddlers will have strong feelings, make mistakes, feel possessive, seek autonomy, and struggle to control their impulses. Expect them to try and to make mistakes.  Respect that all people may need time to get calm and composed before they are willing to talk about upsetting things.

“You got so mad you threw the cup.  Next time you can hand it to me.”

Keep in mind that not everyone learns social skills at the same pace.  The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations of Early Learning suggests that when a child can’t dance, swim, etc. we teach them, but when a child can’t behave, we punish.  Committing to teaching social skills to children that don’t “get it,” creates a better community for everyone.  

For more information on this topic see: http://www.naeyc.org/yc/files/yc/file/201407/YC0714_Rocking_and_Rolling.pdf

Julia Luckenbill, M.A. is a Child Development Demonstration Lecturer at the Center for Child and Family Studies Laboratory School at the University of California, Davis. Her interests include emergent curriculum, farming with toddlers, photography, and exploring the world with her daughter.

By Dr. Dan Gartrell

People used to think children were ready for kindergarten if they could say the ABC’s, count, identify colors, and write their first name. Readiness was always more complicated than that, and new brain research is helping us understand what readiness really is. Readiness doesn’t mean just knowing the academic basics. It means a child has a willing attitude and confidence in the process of learning: a healthy state of mind.

How do families help their children gain this state of mind? By being responsive to all areas of their children’s development—physical, emotional, social, cultural, language, and cognitive (thinking). Children are born with a great ability to learn and grow—different kinds of abilities, to be sure, but abilities that individually and together constitute the miracle of humanity.

Adults do best for their children when they nurture this unexpressed potential rather than ignore, reject, or try to train it. Healthy development, and with it school readiness, is the result of secure, responsive adult–child relationships. Here are eight parenting practices that nurture children’s untold potential and readiness to learn.

1. Have contact talks with your child each day. A contact talk is a few moments of shared time between adult and child. Contact talks can happen anytime, day or night—often while reading together, but also while giving a bath, changing diapers (really), taking a walk, riding in a car, or when your child approaches you. When you decide that a contact talk will happen, stop what you are doing. Listen, encourage, and support. Don’t “teach, preach, or screech.” Learn more about this little person and help that child learn more about you, as adult and child together in the family you share.

Contact talks build healthy attachment between an adult and child like nothing else can. They support the development of a child’s self-esteem, social skills, thinking skills, and language abilities (key capacities for school success). If contact talks take place during physical activities, they enhance physical development.

Preschool child in car at night: “The moon is following us!”
Adult (quietly smiling): “I wonder where it’s going.”
Child: “To our house, of course. Moon likes it at our house.”
Adult: “It’s nice to have a home that’s liked.”
Child: “Yep.” (Smiling, continues looking at the moon).

In a few years, this same child will understand that the moon just looks like it is following the car. But no correction of this perception is needed now. What is important is a shared quality moment around the child’s beginning interpretations of the world and the people in it. Contact talks don’t have to be long, but they do have to happen, every day. They tell your child you value her and what she has to say is worthwhile.

2. Recognize that children's reasoning skills are just beginning to develop. Problem-solving and reasoning skills, what some call executive function, start to develop in the brain at about age 3. These abilities, including the capacity to understand complex situations, accommodate others’ viewpoints, and stay on task, are a work in progress into early adulthood.

It is important to understand that young children don't think the same ways adults do. Young children do not have the same grasp of reality as adults, and they see things from their own (often charming) viewpoints. Recall the young child who said, “The moon is following us.” The adult’s supportive response was to comment, “I wonder why,” and enjoy the child’s creative thinking. Helping the child make connections, and not fact-checking, builds brains. An older child considers the idea of the moon following the car pretty lame. But in the meantime, “Good night, Moon.”

3. Think of young children's conflicts as mistaken behaviors, not misbehaviors. A 3-year-old has 36 months of life experience. A 5-year-old has only 60 months. It is an error for adults to think that children misbehave because they “know better” and chosen to do wrong. They are not bad. They are only months old! 

Heck, we adults don't always know how to “behave better.” We work on expressing strong emotions in nonhurting ways our entire lives. Young children are just beginning to learn this complex skill. Children have conflicts and strong disagreements with others, because their incomplete brain development and limited experience means they haven't learned yet how to behave more maturely. 

Think of behaviors usually considered to be misbehaviors as mistaken behaviors. One way to think about a mistake is as an error in judgment that may cause or contribute to a conflict. Like all of us, children make mistakes. Young children make more of them because they are beginners in the learning process. They have yet to develop the personal resources they need to prevent, resolve, and forgive the conflicts all of us tend to fall into.

4. When children have strong conflicts, adults work to teach rather than punish. Research shows that punishment—infliction of pain and suffering as a consequence for something a person has done—harms healthy brain development. Punishment results in the release of stress hormones, in particular cortisol and adrenaline, which then “slosh around” in children’s brains.

Especially when stress reactions continue over time, they cause children to feel threatened even in nonthreatening situations. In reaction to perceived threats, children resort to patterns of fight-or-flight behavior. In such situations, children often show aggression (to their minds, they are defending themselves) and get into even more trouble. Children who bully are showing aggression to assert their wills in the face of life circumstances they have come to see as challenging.

Thus, the effect of punishment is to make it harder for children to learn the very social skills we want all children to learn. A cycle of stress, acting out, punishment, and more stress, starting early in childhood, can cause problems for an individual throughout life.

5. Teach, don't punish. Conflicts do have consequences. There are consequences for children when they make mistakes and cause big conflicts, and there are consequences for the adult as well. The consequence for an adult is to teach the child another way to behave—how to express strong emotions in ways that aren’t harmful. The consequence for a child is to understand the adult’s expectation that he or she learn a better way to behave.

The goal is to move children from hitting and yelling to using more acceptable methods, like saying, “I am angry!” (Just don't expect your child to learn this skill overnight. Expressing strong emotions in nonhurting ways is an ongoing task even for us adults.) 

Always, the first step when children have conflicts is to tend to anyone who is hurt, then calm everyone down, including yourself. Time away from the situation may be important in helping to calm young (and older) family members. This is not time-out, but a cooling-off time so all can calm down, talk about what happened as soon as time can be made, and learn a better way to deal with the situation next time.

It takes hard work for adults to consistently teach rather than punish. Efforts don’t have to be perfect, but they do need to be honest and well intentioned. Adults who use guidance are firm when they need to be—but firm and friendly, not harsh or wishy-washy. To the best of our abilities, we need to model the reasoning and perspective-taking skills we want our children to learn. If children know we love them, even imperfect efforts at guidance can—and do—work. Guidance establishes a foundation children continue to build on, learning how to get along and solve problems as they grow—a foundation for building a healthy state of mind.

6. Use guidance talks. Different from the age-old lecture, a guidance talk is talking with (not at) a child about a conflict. In a guidance talk, the adult acts as a firm but friendly leader, talking with children after all parties have calmed down.

In using guidance talks, first recognize the effort or progress toward emotional restraint your child may have used. For your child to listen to you, you need to convey that you are working with, not against, your child. Work to build your child’s understanding of each person's feelings during the conflict. Discuss what your child could have done instead, what can be done differently next time, and how your child could help the other person feel better.

It is not helpful to force an apology. Instead, when he is ready, ask your child how he can make things better. Most children forgive more easily than adults. They just need a little time to settle themselves and figure out what happened. Restitution and reconciliation are important goals in using guidance. They help us remember that every person is a full and important family member, even when they make mistakes.

7. Hold family meetings to discuss and figure out problems that repeat themselves. The purpose of family meetings is to teach that differences can be discussed in civil (not disagreeable) ways, and that family members can work together to address difficulties and solve problems. 

Be the leader. Know your own mind going into a family meeting and be up front about what you're willing to negotiate and what you’re not. (There’s got to be something, though, or else why meet?) A key to successful family meetings is this: Everyone has a right to have and express their own viewpoint, but it is important to do so in respectful ways. As with guidance talks, start and end the meetings with positives—thank folks for participating and acknowledge effort, progress, and the togetherness of the family.

Family meetings are not always popular, but when an adult emphasizes mutual respect as a guideline, the meetings can reduce, prevent, and resolve strong emotional issues, even with young children. Family meetings make family problems something to talk about and work on together, rather than let problems be the elephant in the room.
    
8. We adults (still) make mistakes. Being a parent who is a caring and positive leader is the hardest job in the world. (Second place is a tie between being a caring and competent early childhood professional and a middle-school substitute teacher!) When we make mistakes in our own behavior, we need to forgive ourselves, forgive the others involved, and learn from the mistakes.

Note, however, when a family member makes a lot of mistakes, has lots of conflicts—consider this a plea for help. Sometimes families need help from outside. This is OK. This difficult step can open the door to a better life for the entire family and help children make progress toward what we all want them to learn and to be.

For me the bottom-line question is this: As our kids get older, what do we want them to do if someone bullies them or pressures them to bully someone else, or (eventually) to experiment with alcohol, drugs, sex, or vandalism? If the answer is to come to us for guidance, then we get it. It’s hard to know how to respond to life’s tough questions, but good relationships with our children, begun when they are infants, will see us through.

Readiness is a State of Mind

Research shows that the best thing we can do to get children ready for school is to form and keep positive relationships with them. Children who are securely attached to their family members accept themselves as worthy individuals. With ongoing family support, they can handle the frustrations, embarrassments, pressures, and successes that come their way. Securely attached children are better able to make friends, work with others, solve problems creatively, learn, and succeed. The best predictor of children's success in school and life is a brain that develops in healthy ways, as a result of their attachments with their family, and especially their parents.

Note: Many of these ideas first appeared in Dan's four books and his column, Guidance Matters, which is published in the magazine Young Children. The five children in Dan and Julie's blended family are between 35 and 46 years old. Their 11 grandchildren range from age 8 to 23. (Dan brings photos to all events.)

Dr. Dan Gartrell, Professor Emeritus, Bemidji State University
dgartrell@bemidjistate.edu

© 2013 National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

By: Karen Nemeth

For me, being a grandparent is not the same as being a parent.  I am not the primary caregiver, but I do spend time with my grandchildren every week. Caring for them is not a question of just repeating what I did when I raised my own kids. I’ve come to think of being a grandmother as a new experience that offers great opportunities along with a bit of uncertainty. Here are some ways I believe grandparents can have unique connections with young grandchildren that foster them to learn and grow:  

1.  Give your time - it's the greatest gift.  A grandparent who stops everything and focuses on playing and chatting with a young child builds a lifetime of memories and helps your  grandchild learn and grow.

2.  Play WITH your grandchild.  Paint together, play board games together, play catch, play pretend. When you interact, you model good sportsmanship, good manners, good vocabulary and so much more. 

3.  Tell your stories.  Just because you told them to your own children doesn't mean they'll get passed down.  Stories about our experiences are the vehicle we use to pass down our family and cultural traditions. 

4.  Read the old, classic children's books you enjoyed. They are new to your grandchildren and you make them special because you have practiced those funny voices and dramatic flourishes that bring them to life.

5.  Share your passions. My dad taught my daughters how to fish and my mom brought them to art museums when I never had the interest. One became the nature counselor at summer camp and one minored in art history.

6. Teach them your skills. Don't hurry them away when you are making or fixing something.  They will love to be by your side handing you the screwdriver, helping you plant seeds, or stirring the batter - and they will learn important life lessons their parents may not have time to teach.

7. Include them in conversations. Don't talk over their heads. Ask them questions and show them how to make good conversation by expressing an interest in other people.  I love when my toddler grandson always turns to me in a restaurant and asks, "What you having for your dinner, Nannie?"

8. Talk about your things.  Do you have special collections, antiques, photo albums, old home movies or family heirlooms? Knowing about them, the stories behind them and why they are important to you will be fascinating and enriching for young children.

9. Keep things the same.  It means so much to young children when they know there will always be certain toys or other items at the grandparents' house.  I looked forward to Grandma's house because I could count on the old wooden child-sized table and the checkers games we'd play, along with pretzel sticks and homemade coffee cake I didn't get at home.  My children still talk about playing with the Russian nesting dolls at my mom's house year after year.  Now my grandchildren go straight for the box of play cooking utensils at my house because it is something predictable that eases their transition from their house to mine.  

About the Author: Karen Nemeth is an early childhood author, speaker and consultant, but her most rewarding role is being a mom and grandma.

What role do grandparents play in your children's lives? If you're a grandparent - what are some ways you foster relationships and interact with your grandchildren?

By: Hattie Harvey, PhD, NCSP

Sleep is critical to children’s everyday functioning. A good night’s sleep helps prepare children to attend to new experiences, positively engage with others, and build memory and attention skills. When children sleep, their brains are actively working to form new connections, allowing them to be more physically relaxed and mentally alert when awake. These positive effects can be observed over time, and as a parent you play a critical role in helping your child establish healthy sleep habits.

Why are sleep habits important?

Establishing healthy sleep habits early on helps to prevent children’s long-term sleep problems and other associated risk factors. Researchers have linked poor sleep habits to a greater risk for obesity, impaired memory and attention, and poor academic performance in school-age children (Aronen, Paavonen, Fjallberg, Soininen, & Torronen, 2000; Buckhalt, El-Sheikh, & Keller, 2007; El-Sheikh, Buckhalt, Cummings, & Keller, 2007; Meltzer, & Mindell, 2009). Further, insufficient sleep also has been associated with higher rates of aggression and can negatively affect interpersonal relationships with family and peers (El-Sheikh et al., 2007). Outlined below are some key concepts and strategies for establishing healthy sleep habits.

Key Sleep Strategies to Consider

Think of these strategies as a collection of related elements, all of which must be present to ensure healthy sleep habits.

1. Sleep Duration. Consider the total amount of sleep during both night and day: is your child getting enough sleep? The following table outlines basic recommended sleep durations by age. 

2. Naps. Is your child taking naps or do you sometimes skip nap? Naps lead to optimal daytime functioning. If you miss one, try to keep your child up until the next sleep period (or close to it) to maintain the child’s sleep pattern. Consider the following

• By 4 months most children take three to four naps per day
• By 8 months most children take two naps
• By 21 months most children take one nap
• By age 6 most children no longer nap

3. Sleep Quality. When sleep is continuous, your child can naturally learn to fall back asleep following a brief awakening. Too many awakenings fragment sleep, disrupting brain growth and the natural sleep cycle. After 4 months of age, naps of less than one hour do not provide enough time for the brain to benefit from the nap.

4. Recognize signs of drowsiness. Nap and bedtime should begin during your child’s drowsy stage, not when she is overtired. Identify your child’s signs of drowsiness; they may include decreased activity, slower motions, , drooping eyelids, yawning, and eyes that are less focused. Drowsy children also may be less vocal, quieter, or calmer. Your child may have more difficulty falling asleep if she is overtired; signs of overtiredness may include fussiness, eye rubbing, irritability, or crankiness.

4. Establish consistent bedtime and wake-up routines. Your routines may be adjusted based on age or your family’s preference. Avoid stimulating activities such as watching television or playing video games prior to bed, instead choose calming activities like reading or storytelling. Whatever you choose, keep the sequence consistent! Doing so helps to maintain your child’s internal clock on a 24-hour cycle. Note that infants younger than 4 months have immature internal clocks, so this does not apply to them.

5. Be a team player and communicate! Communicate with those who are involved in your child’s life, such as another parent, child care providers, a nanny, or relatives. Share your strategies and your child’s signs of drowsiness, so that they can also support establishing healthy sleep habits for your child.

About the Author: Dr. Hattie Harvey teaches at the University of Alaska Anchorage in the Early Childhood Education program. She is a nationally licensed school psychologist and enjoys collaborating with local early childhood programs on assessment and instructional practices.

By Yi-Chin Lan

There are many ways to enjoy reading with your child. Here are a few ways to make reading a fun part of your everyday life.

1. Develop family reading routines and rituals

Find a regular time of day when you can dedicate story time into your day. You can read in the morning, after school, or before bedtime! Making story time a cozy routine makes reading an essential and pleasant activity.

2. Read what interests your child

The nutrition facts on the milk box, newspapers, recipes, maps, and game instructions all make great reading material if your child is interested.

3. Try books that reflect your daily experiences

Making connections to topics you read about is a fun way to keep children engaged. For example, you can read You Can’t Take a Balloon into the Metropolitan Museum with your child before or after visiting an art museum. This opens up opportunities for conversations like discussing similarities and differences between the book and the museum visit.

Or read Dr. Seuss’s In a People House and then ask your child if they see any similar items, how they work, or even create a new book based on what’s inside your own home.

4. Let your child select books

When you visit the library, let your child select books. Try both fiction and informational books, and ask the librarian for recommendations based on your child’s interests.

5. Reread your child’s favorites

It’s common for young children to request the same book again and again. Re-reading familiar stories offers children a chance to absorb information over time and lets them master the whole story.

6. Encourage storytelling

Encourage your child to tell you a story from time to time or to retell a story after you’ve read it several times. Don’t feel the need to correct how she’s telling the story. Let her enjoy the experience of storytelling.

7. Have fun while reading

Try whatever style feels comfortable for you and your child. Some ways families have fun with stories include:

• Acting out the story while reading by using facial expressions, gestures, body movements, and voices to make the story come to life.
• Making the story relevant to your child’s life by adapting the story to include her name, a friend’s name, or your pet’s name. For example, surprise your child by saying “Olivia, Olivia, what do you see?” when you read Eric Carle’s Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
• Finding props to go along with favorite stories and offering them to your child to use in her play.

8. Change your setting!

It can be fun to read books in different places in and around your home. Try reading Eric Carle’s The Very Lonely Firefly in a dark room with a flashlight. I’ve read The Lamb and the Butterfly (written by Arnold Sundgaard, illustrated by Eric Carle) to a group of four-year-olds on the grass, and when they saw a butterfly fly by, they associated it with the one in the story! You can even ask your child where she wants to read a particular story.

9. Try one of these books that trigger children's interest in reading

Adam Lehrhaupt’s Warning: Do Not Open This Book! Is a great example of a book that draws children into the act of reading. Children wonder: “Why can’t I open this book?” and read on. Here are some others:

• Don’t Push The Button by Bill Cotter
• Go Away, Big Green Monster! by Ed Emberley
• How To Hide a Lion by Helen Stephens I
• If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff
• Maisy’s Fairground by Lucy Cousins 
• My Granny’s Purse And My Mummy’s Bag by P. H. Hanson
• Press Here by Herve Tullet
• Tap to Play by Salina Yoon
• The Foggy Foggy forest by Nick Sharratt
• Where’s Wally? by Martin Handford

10. Get to know your child and your own reading style

• Knowing your child and your own reading style is important for three main reasons:
• It offers you an opportunity to observe what interests your child. Be it science, art, interactive books or wordless books, you will figure out her current interest and support her in appropriate ways.
• You won’t impose your preferences on your child; instead, you will share what you like with each other and get a chance to explore those beyond your favorites.
• It allows your child to understand and respect that every individual reads differently and it is okay.

There are lots of ways to encourage and enjoy reading. Try these ideas and do more of what your child enjoys.

Yi-Chin Lan received her PhD in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Texas at Austin. When she worked as a kindergarten teacher, she read her students at least three books a day. Her favorite picture books are Miss Rumphius, Guess how much I love you, and Not a box. She can be reached at lollipop0913@gmail.com

Developmentally appropriate? Scaffolding? Your child’s teacher might use language other educators understand but may be new to you. This list of commonly used early childhood terms can help you understand what the teacher means when she talks about what and how your child is learning.

Approaches to learning: How children become curious about learning new things. It is also how children respond to learning situations. Curiosity about the world, initiative and problem solving, and focused attention and persistence are just a few approaches to learning teachers and families hope to foster.

A teacher might say: “Your child has some wonderful approaches to learning. She’s very persistent when working on puzzles.”

Cognitive development: How children learn to think, make decisions, and solve problems.

A teacher might say: “We want to build the children’s cognitive development, so today we conducted a science experiment, and the children tried to predict the result.”

Constructive play: When children use blocks, LEGOs, or other materials to make buildings or towers.

A teacher might say: “Rebekah made a pretty complicated castle during her constructive play today!”

Developmentally appropriate practice (DAP): Teaching strategies that are based on knowledge of how young children develop and learn, what makes each child unique, and the child’s community and family culture and home language. DAP activities are neither too difficult or too easy, but just right. For example, in most cases it is developmentally appropriate to introduce a 4-year-old to the letters in his name, with the expectation that over time he will learn to write his name on his own. On the other hand, it is not developmentally appropriate to ask 4-year-olds to write letters over and over again on worksheets.

A teacher might say: “In this classroom, we don’t believe that worksheets are developmentally appropriate.”

Dramatic play: When children pretend to be someone else, such as a firefighter or doctor, and they make up scenes and dialogue.

A teacher might say: “We’d love to have you bring a few items related to going to work for the children to use in their dramatic play.”

Exploratory play: When children discover how materials work. For example, when playing with water or sand, children explore how to fill and empty buckets.

A teacher might say: “Today Andre discovered how to use a bucket to build a sand castle during his exploratory play!”

Environmental print: The words that are all around us, such as store signs, a menu board, or a poster with the daily schedule.

A teacher might say: “Your child can learn a lot about reading and writing just by seeing environmental print.”

Physical and motor development: How children use their bodies to make large movements with their legs and arms (gross motor) and small movements with their fingers and hands (fine motor). Children learn with their legs and arms when they run, climb, or ride a tricycle. They learn with their fingers and hands when they cut with scissors, use a pencil, or construct a puzzle.

A teacher might say: “We need to support children's fine motor development so we are using playdough to strengthen fingers.”

Print awareness: When children understand how print works. For example, after listening to lots of stories, children notice that letters make words, words make a story, and reading goes from left to right in English.

A teacher might say: “Maritza’s print awareness is developing. She’s picking up books right-side up and is starting to turn the pages of the book herself.”

Self-regulation: How children learn to control their feelings and their bodies. For example, if a child wants to play with a toy her friend is using, she asks for a turn rather than grabbing it.

A teacher might say: “I've seen so much grown in children's self-regulation. At the beginning of the year children sometimes just take a toy they want even if another child is using it. Now I hear them ask if they can use it..”

Social and emotional development: How children learn about feelings. It helps them feel good about themselves and helps them understand the feelings of other people.

A teacher might say: “We are supporting children's social and emotional development by reading books about friendship.”

Scaffolding: When an adult helps children learn at a faster rate and more than they would on their own. For example, when an adult holds a child’s hand as he goes up the slide ladder, the adult is scaffolding his learning to climb.

A teacher might say: “Robert is almost ready to climb up the slide ladder on his own, but not quite. I’ve been helping him by holding his hand and scaffolding his climbing skills until he’s able to do it without my help.”

Source: Adapted from “Talking About Education With Families” by Angele Sancho Passe, Teaching Young Children 6 (4): 6-7

Young children find humor in ridiculous situations, silly rhymes, and word plays. They use their thinking skills and draw on their knowledge and experiences to get the joke. Children need to understand why a situation is absurd before they can find it funny! Sharing a joke is a great way to strengthen family ties. These books and activities will have you and your child laughing together in no time.

(Note: Many of these books are available in Spanish.)

Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! by Mo Willems. 2003.

When the bus driver takes a break, he asks the reader to do one thing: "Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus.” Sounds easy enough, but the very determined pigeon tries everything to get behind the wheel, including, "No fair! I bet your mom would let me.” Children enjoy shouting out "No!” in response to the pigeon’s persistent requests. The illustrations are hilarious, and your child will identify with the pigeon’s pleading tone while at the same time recognizing that the pigeon is being ridiculously unreasonable.

Available in English and Spanish. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

I Ain’t Gonna Paint No More! by Karen Beaumont.
Illus. by David Catrow. 2005.

To the tune of “It Ain’t Gonna Rain No More,” this book depicts an exuberant boy whose mama tells him, “Ya ain’t gonna paint no more,” after catching him painting pictures on the floors and walls, ceiling, and furniture. But this boy just can’t help himself as he joyously paints his face, neck, arms, and more.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

A Isn’t for Fox: An Isn’t Alphabet, by Wendy Ulmer.
Illus. by Laura Knorr. 2007.

“D isn’t for crow; it isn’t for snow. D is for dragons from times long ago.” This alphabet book has a sense of humor. You may be surprised by how often your child recognizes that the words don’t match the letter. It’s fun for children to show you what they know.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

Source: Adapted from S. Friedman, 2008, "Laugh Together with These Books," Now Read This!, Teaching Young Children 1 (3): 3.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

By: Julia Luckenbill

When you talk to your child, you support her language development.  Think about what you are saying from your infant or toddler’s point of view.  If she could talk, she might ask you...

1.  When I point to something, tell me what it is. While you are telling me, look at it and point to it too.

2.  Use a gesture along with the word you say, so that I can say it too.  If you tell me it is time to eat, tap you lips.  I can imitate the gesture and tell you when I’m hungry.

3.  Talk to me about what you are doing. Tell me what will happen next, so I will know what to expect.

4. Talk to me about what I am doing. Using words to describe my actions and feelings helps me learn those words too.

5. Take turns chatting back and forth with me.  Listen to what I am saying –then imitate my coos or babbles.  If I’m older, you can reply to my questions and ask your own.  I like open-ended questions that don’t have right or wrong answers.

6. Model bigger and better sentences.  If I say, “Two cat,” you can say, “You have two cats on your shirt!”  I learn a lot from you.

7.  Sing with me.  It’s easier to learn words in songs.  I can learn about rhymes, the ABC song, the colors of my clothing, and the names of my friends.

8. Take me to the library.  Read me a book, let me decide how you do it and when we are done. Let me mouth board books, handle them and decide which to explore. Check out the thrift store and buy me a few board books (wipe them with a damp cloth). At home, attach felt tabs to them, and I will be able to turn the pages more easily, all by myself.

9. Make books about me.  When I see myself in a book, I will learn that books can be about things in my life.

10. Show me the words on things.  When you point out words in books and on containers, I begin to understand how printed and spoken words are connected.

11. Be playful while I learn:  I like to ask you what shape the cookie cutter alphabet has made.  You can say, "You made the letter L," or ask, "I wonder what letter you made?" It’s less fun to be asked, “What’s this?” 

12.  Give me time to learn and explore.  There’s no rush to learn the names of colors, letters, and things.  I will learn them in my own time.

When bilingual educator, children's author and recording artist José-Luis Orozco noticed the need for rich, oral language activities in children's heritage language, he began writing songs and recapturing games grounded in rich oral traditions. For over forty years he's written and composed bilingual songs, games, rhymes and poems for young children.  In celebration of Hispanic Heritage month, José-Luis talks about his newest album !Come Bien! Eat Right! and the messages he wants to share with families and teachers.

Tell us about your new album !Come Bien! Eat Right!

The album “Come Bien” is a selection of bilingual songs, games, and dances to promote nutrition, healthy eating habits, dual language, traditions and fitness for children, parents and teachers. You will recognize some well known songs, like De Colores, but the lyrics has been changed which promotes healthy habits.

How did you come up with the topic on ‘eating right’?

I'm a strong believer in promoting healthy habits in children. I wanted to contribute and respond to the current epidemic of diabetes, obesity and heart problems, which are affecting many children and adults. Each of the songs in this album promotes healthy living! 

What’s the message you want families to get from this album?

I want families to enjoy the content of these songs in both languages, but also, to pay attention to the advise I am giving. I want to inspire families to prepare and cook healthier meals, and to dance and sing to promote good health among their family members! 

 How do children benefit from learning songs in a second language?

When children learn a second language, they also learn how to appreciate and respect other cultures and are more likely to have higher levels of achievement in school.

Why is it important to include families in children’s musical experiences? What strategies can teachers use to involve families?

The United States is now more diverse than ever. There is a great need to learn a second language to get ahead in the job market. It is important to involve families in the teaching process in order for children to succeed in school and in life. Teachers can create opportunities in their classrooms for parents to get more involved. For example, by asking parents to share a family tradition, a recipe, etc. Teachers should also provide opportunities for parents or family members to share stories, songs, and information in their primary home language. Another great idea to involve parents is to invite parents for an afternoon and have the students learn the dance and song together.

Listen to the spanish and english versions of 3 songs from !Come Bien! Eat Right!

• Sabrosos colores (Tasty Colors)
• La comida en mi plato (The Food on my Plate)
• Damos gracias (Thanksgiving)

As Halloween approaches, Marilou Hyson, PhD, former associate executive director at NAEYC, talks about young children’s fears. Much of Marilou’s research and writing has focused on  early childhood emotional development.

What is too scary for children at different ages?

Each child is different, so it’s difficult to give hard and fast rules about what may be overwhelming for all children at different ages. The most important thing a grownup can do is to know an individual child and watch for her reactions to potentially scary images and situations. Pay attention to what she seems very worried about, avoids, or talks about, which can be clues that something is scary. Parents are often surprised by what frightens their child.

Our grandson Sam, who’s 13 now, was really frightened at the age of 2 by a life-size sculpture of a moose at an outdoor exhibit.  We rounded a corner on a trail and there it was!  Sam was visibly scared, staring and rigid, and he wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. When we got home, he pored over the map of the exhibit and recalled each sculpture, but when he got to the moose, he said, "We sip [skip], okay?" and went on to the next one.

Why is there a tradition of scary characters in books for young children?

Many of those stories are traditional fairy tales or legends that originally were created for adults--certainly not for very young children. Grimm’s and Andersen's fairy tales are often very frightening, even for older children. The characters and events in many of these stories tap into some of our deepest childhood fears, such as losing our parents or having someone familiar change into a threatening stranger. Young children have a hard time distinguishing between a change in a person’s appearance and a change in who they really are underneath.  For example, when a parent becomes very angry, a young child may wonder, Is that my same mom or is it really someone different? The answers are not clear-cut to young children.

Why do some children find it fun to be scared just a little?

It's different for each child. When a child plays peekaboo of sorts with something he finds scary, it’s great for her to feel she can manage her fear. Mom puts on a mask (but not a terrifying one) and takes it off, or the child does so herself. The child peeks around the corner at a sort of scary Halloween display, but only from a distance. It's important that adults not make fun of children's fears no matter how irrational they seem. And saying “There is nothing to be afraid of” is not real persuasive to a young child.

This speaks to the development of emotion regulation. Gradually, especially within warm relationships and with our support, children begin to be able to manage their emotional reactions to various situations (including Halloween stuff). Adult support could be talking or drawing about what the child is scared of or worried about, helping him or her know what to expect (for example, at a Halloween party), or using puppets to act out a story in which a child is a little bit scared of something and then figures out how to deal with it. There are children’s picture books with that kind of theme as well.  

Sometimes parents think it’s their job to remove all stress from children’s lives, but the truth is that, with our support, small bits of stress (child-size bits) are important sources of positive development, as children broaden their toolkit of coping strategies.

Any special tips about handling fears related to Halloween?

Halloween has become a kind of adult holiday (which was not at all true a few generations ago), and with adults and teens dressing up as figures from horror movies and going to extremes to scare other adults (a harder task than scaring a little kid), we need to make sure there is a firm line against violent/bloody/gory and generally horrific images. Not just because they are "too scary" but because they do not represent the values or images that we want our children to be exposed to.

Pretend play is children's main way of making sense of their world. Through play, children can master fears and difficult experiences by reinventing them in a playful way. If Halloween can be another opportunity for children to engage in well-supported pretend play, then it has the potential to support children’s development.

• Early morning, on the way to breakfast
• At the table
• Shopping
• Attention to one child (nursing, reading, special help)
• Bedtime
• Birthday party of one sibling
• Christmas and holidays with gifts and commotion
• Long trips

My nearly 3-year-old daughter still uses a pacifier to fall asleep for her naps and at night. Otherwise she doesn’t use it. I’ve gotten conflicting advice about whether this will cause orthodontic problems in the future. I’m loath to take the pacifier away from her since it’s such a limited use and it really does soothe her and help her fall asleep.

Many orthodontic problems are genetic, and the development of a child’s teeth, bite and facial bone structure changes over time. It may be impossible to know whether a misaligned bite would have emerged even if a child hadn’t used a pacifier.

Sometimes, stopping pacifier use appears to correct bite problems. You can have your child’s pediatric dentist take a look, but it may be tough to predict the future of problems identified now unless they’re severe.

Researchers compare groups of children who use pacifiers to those who don’t. Studies rely on parents’ reports and must track the children over years. Results may be complicated by habits that aren’t always reported – for example, children’s finger- and thumb-sucking. Many studies report that bite misalignments are more common in children who use pacifiers, and that some problems (particularly posterior cross bites) are likelier with longer duration of pacifier use, markedly so after age 4.

Along with research limitations, deep-seated prejudices also come into play. Sometimes pacifiers seem to be misused as “plugs” to keep a child quiet.

When the pacifier becomes a kind of panacea for a child’s distress, there is cause for concern. The pacifier may keep parents from learning to offer a broader range of responses. It may interfere with the child’s learning other ways to soothe herself and even to understand and express her own discomfort.

Some adults may be troubled to see young children soothe themselves. Sucking a pacifier may seem “babyish” and lead to fears that the child will never stop. It is reassuring to see a child move ahead on her developmental pathway and discouraging to watch her hold onto or even revert to an old behavior.

Adults may worry that pacifiers, thumbs, bedraggled blankets and beloved stuffed animals are “crutches.” Children are often pushed to give up such habits before they’re ready – before they’ve mastered other ways of handling feelings of distress.

One simple guideline: If you try to take away a pacifier, or stop a child from sucking her thumb or fingers, you are likelier to reinforce the behavior. Instead, you can make the pacifier available as little as possible, and only for those very specific and common times when a child needs a self-soothing measure to settle down for sleep.

Once your 3-year-old is sound asleep, you may be able to ease the pacifier out of her mouth.

Occasionally we hear about a parent who gets away with “just losing” the pacifier, and who sympathizes with the child’s sense of loss while taking as much time as possible to replace it.

But we wouldn’t recommend this ploy. Instead, introduce a “lovey,” a soft bit of cloth or favorite doll that she can hold and stroke as she goes to sleep – while she sucks on her pacifier. This will help her learn to rely less on the pacifier, and may help her give up the pacifier sooner.

By: Laurel Bongiorno, Ph.D

Parents today are making decisions about technology that didn’t even exist when they were young. Parents make creative decisions daily using their best instincts.

Here are 10 tips that might help when making technology decisions for your child.

1.  Use technology for communication.

FaceTime or Skype with Grandma. Read a bedtime story together from afar. Email family and friends so children can know and communicate with extended family.

2.Model using technology as a tool.

Take photos with your smartphone or iPad. Watch a short video of a volcano erupting, if your child shows an interest. Use the calculator to add. Use the magnifying app to examine nature. Listen to music on an iPod. Use the online dictionary to spell or find the meaning of words. Technology is an everyday tool.

3. Be involved.

Resist the temptation to routinely use technology as a babysitter, and instead use it as a way to connect with your child. If you are reading a book on an e-reader, read together. Write emails together. Play games together. Look at science video clips together. Engage together.

4.  Make sure your child is getting hands-on play experiences daily.

Before you buy an iPad or other technology for your 3- to 5-year-old make sure he already enjoys building with blocks, creating artwork, reading books, engaging in dramatic play, and playing board games. And remember to provide plenty of playtime outside. Make real-world experiences the priority.

5.  Create boundaries.

Like a previous generation’s creation of boundaries around watching television, you need to decide what is desirable for your child in terms of screen time, whether television, movies, computer, tablet, or cell phone. Is it 30 minutes a day? Is it when you need focused time to pay bills? Is it not interrupting their creative engagement? Establish your family’s technology boundaries.

6. Be a critic for your child's sake.

Pay attention to G ratings, but remember that the raters don’t know your child—you do! If you decide on screen time, preview what they view and watch with your child to help her process what she sees. And consider the value of the apps you choose—are they active and do they promote creativity, innovation, and problem solving? Use the apps together so you can make a good decision. Make intentional choices.

7. Don't let technology get in the way.

Family meals are a great time for conversation, catching up on the day, and developing relationships. Car rides are a great time for talking, singing, and playing games like I Spy. Cooking together not only supports relationships but also engages your child in using math and literacy skills. Consider whether technology is getting in the way of precious family time together.

8. Model healthy behaviors yourself.

It's time to look in the mirror. Do you watch hours of television or movies each night? Is the television on in the background, even when no one is watching? Do you have your cell phone at the dinner table? Do you play games online in the middle of the night? Consider what your technology use models for your child. Your child learns from you.

9.  It's okay to say no.

There are plenty of families who live their lives without smartphones, cable, televisions, or computers. Follow your instincts for your family, and remember, technology companies market to you as a consumer, so be smart. Be intentional about your decision to add technology to your child's day—or not.

10.  Be smart; be safe.

Pay attention to your privacy settings. Share your rules about posting on social media with your friends and families. Make sure your early childhood program asks your permission before posting images of your child on Facebook or a website.



Laurel Bongiorno, Ph.D, is dean for the Division of Education and Human Studies at Champlain College, in Burlington, Vermont, and provides oversight for Champlain College’s master’s in education program in early childhood education. She writes and presents on play as learning, developing creativity in young children, and other early childhood topics.

Many of your child’s daily activities—like getting dressed, eating, and writing—require control of small muscles in the hands. We call these skills fine motor skills. Your child can do more things for himself when he has opportunities to practice these skills. There are lots of activities that can increase muscle strength and coordination, preparing children for more advanced skills, from writing with a pencil, using a computer mouse, or playing a musical instrument. Help your child build fine motor skills at home by providing opportunities to...

• Set the table
• Hold knives, forks, and spoons to eat
• Pour juice into a cup
• Wipe the table with a sponge
• Help with meals—stir, shake, chop, cut, and mix
• Get dressed—button, zip, snap, buckle, and fasten
• Use Velcro tabs
• Open and close containers with lids
• Cut with child-safe scissors
• Finger paint
• Use a paintbrush
• Play with playdough and clay—roll, smoosh, pat, pound, and use tools like popsicle sticks or stamps
• Draw, scribble, or write with crayons, pencils, and markers
• Put together puzzles
• Place pegs in a board
• Build with small blocks
• Play board games
• Play with puppets

Source: Adapted from  "Getting a Grip on Things: Building Fine Motor Skills,” Message in a Backpack, 2010, Teaching Young Children 3 (5): 26–28.

Parent-teacher relationships are most effective when participants have frequent and open communication with each other and demonstrate mutual respect for each other’s role in a child’s life. When families are positively involved in their child’s education, the child will flourish. Teachers prepare for conferences by thinking about each child’s interests and progress. Here are some ways parents can prepare so they too can be active participants in parent-teacher conferences.

Be willing and ready to share information about your child and family. Families are the most important influence in a child’s life. You know your child better than anyone else and have valuable insights to share with the teacher. Advocate for your child. Share things about your child’s life at home—personality traits, challenges, habits, friends, hobbies, and talents.  Focus on the things you believe the teacher needs to know. What kinds of things do you enjoy doing with your child? How do siblings relate to their brother/sister and vice versa? What kind of discipline do you use? What are your dreams for your child? What are your concerns?

Stay focused on your child. In our childhood, some of us might have been shy students who avoided the teacher’s gaze. Others were very active and seemed to always need the teacher’s help to stay on task. It is natural for our ideas about teachers and their role to be shaped by our own school experiences  Think about and then put aside your past experiences as a student. Stay focused on your child and his or her unique temperament, individual needs, and special interests.    .

Attend every parent-teacher conference. If your work schedule makes it difficult to meet during regular hours, make this clear to the teacher and try to set up a meeting time that is good for both of you. If you can’t visit in person, schedule a telephone call to discuss your child’s progress. Whether in person or by phone, use the conference as a time to exchange information with the teacher and discuss ways to work together to enhance your child’s education.

Arrive on time. Teachers usually have a tight schedule for conferences—typically 20 minutes per child and family. If you would like additional time to talk, ask for it ahead of time so you and the teacher will have plenty of time to discuss your ideas, concerns, and suggestions. Be considerate of other parents whose conferences will take place after yours. Remember that the teacher needs a few minutes between conferences to record the information shared and to prepare for the next parent.

Remember, children can hear and remember what is said. Young children often get mixed messages when they hear adults talking about them, no matter how positive the conversation may be. It’s best to arrange for a caregiver for your child or invite a family member to occupy him or her during the conference. If this is not possible, bring a favorite toy or activity to keep the child busy in another part of the room. Unless a child is expressly invited to take part, the conference is a time for you and the teacher to discuss your child.  

Listen with an open mind. Try to concentrate on what the teacher is saying instead of what you are going to say next. Ask questions when you don’t understand. Speak up if you disagree with a strategy or don’t understand how it will support your child’s development and learning. Explain the reasons for your views and voice your concerns, but be open to suggestions. Stay on the subject: your child’s progress.

Be prepared. You might think about or write down one or two questions to ask the teacher. It’s a good idea to ask the most important question first, in case time runs out. Remember, while teachers have specialized education, they don’t have answers for everything. Teaching just isn’t that simple.

Keep the conversation focused on what can be done for your child. When there are problems, both teachers and parents need to stay calm and work together for the best interest of the child.

Stay involved. Try to visit the center or school frequently, not just for conferences and Back to School Night. Ask the teacher to suggest activities you can do at home to reinforce your child’s learning. Look for opportunities to engage yourself in your child’s education.

Source: Adapted from H. Seplocha, 2004, "Partnerships for Learning: Conferencing with Families,” Family Ties, Young Children 59 (5): 96–99.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

By: Susan Friedman

“My kids are teenagers now and they’re going off on their own. And you understand it. But it’s hard not to hurt…” On a  “Humans of New York” post, there was lots of chatter about the father who spoke about his children, but it was mostly centered around how much he looked like Saul from Breaking Bad (maybe it was him!) But for me, it was his message. Kids going off on their own.  With my youngest child now officially a teenager, I understood.

When your kids are little everyone says, “Treasure this time. It goes by so fast.” When in the midst of changing diapers or getting the call to pick up a sick child from school, it’s hard to believe that being there, wanting you, needing you is a period in time. It’s over all of a sudden.

 My kids no longer willingly join on weekend trips to the museum. When at home, their bedroom doors are usually closed. Trips to the neighborhood park are long gone.

The other day my daughter invited a friend over. She just happened to invite her at the same time her piano teacher was scheduled to give her a lesson. “Can I skip this week?” she asked? Not without advance notice. So while my daughter played the piano, I had the opportunity to chat with her friend. " Leah said she and her brother had a secret language when they were little. Did they really?" Her friend asked as I offered her something to eat. “Yes. Yes they did." I responded.

As parents of teenagers know, any communication with your child’s friends can lead to accusations of being horribly embarrassing. So I treaded lightly. I didn’t exclaim, “She remembers her childhood fondly! What else does she say?” I simply elaborated, "When she was a baby she and her brother babbled back and forth to each other. They called it their secret language."

Your child’s teen years can quickly creep up on you. One day you’re all piling into the car on a Saturday afternoon to pick apples and the next thing you know, whatever it is you’re doing on the weekend, it’s most likely without the kids. Now I’m all for going to yoga, lunch with friends, and movies with my husband, but weekend activities without the kids – it’s an adjustment. And like the New York guy who looks like Saul, it sometimes hurts.

Back in the day though, whole weeks could be filled with just hanging around with the kids while they played. And when they played it was often together. As soon as my daughter started making sounds, my son jumped right in to respond to her, to play with her. If she gurgled loudly, he gurgled in return. Back and forth they would go. “It’s our secret language!” he would tell me. And it did feel like they had something special going on together. The giggles, the funny sounds, and the secrets they shared. My daughter’s friend went on to tell me all the ways her own younger sister annoyed her: she cried all the time; she tagged along; she ruined everything. Wait a second, I thought. My kids were telling their friends nice stories about each other!

In Five Essential to Meaningful Play Walter Drew and Marcia Nell describe how family play experiences are essential to family bonding. I had shared my own childhood recollections within their article: “One of my clearest childhood memories is slithering through the tall grass like a snake with my brother and sister.” But even though my own memory was about play with my brother and sister it had never really occurred to me what these play bonding experiences meant for my own kids and their relationship with each other. So when they close their doors, leave with their friends, and spend minimal amounts of their free time with us and with each other. I'll remind myself that they are teenagers - that's what teenagers do.

And I’ll be thankful for the play experiences they shared together when they were younger. As Walter Drew and Marcia Nell say, “Memories of joyful and meaningful play experiences help bind families together emotionally, even long after children are grown.” 

By Julia Luckenbill

My 2-year-old loves to cook. In her classroom she is the first one to volunteer for a cooking activity asking, "Can I help you?" At home she enjoys looking at cookbooks and suggesting projects: "Can we make challah? Now?" The challenge is integrating her in a way that is helpful, as she is known to spill ingredients, taste everything, and leap in before adults are ready with a job for her.

Here are 10 tips we use in the classroom and at home to make cooking with toddlers easier for everyone:

1. Keep it simple. There will be a time for making mousse and soufflé, but it is not now. Cutting up a banana or ripe fig can be just as satisfying as preparing multistep desserts that require for precision.

2. Let your toddler lead. Does your toddler love fruit? Let her select the ingredients for fruit salad. Toddlers are more likely to try things when they have control.

3. Start with basics. Think about the skills your toddler already has (can he cut playdough?) and needs (can he pour water into his cup?). Choose recipes that match his skill level. Make pretzels. Make popsicles.

4. Build up. Once she can cut fruit and pour liquid, you can combine those two skills into making smoothies.

5. Expand skills as his development permits. When you notice that he can resist tasting the raw ingredients, you can introduce cracking raw eggs for scrambling. When you notice he can resist touching hot things, he can help you put pasta in the pot. Keep in mind that every toddler develops impulse control at different rates.

6. Keep flavors plain. Many toddlers are put off by combined flavors. Invite your toddler to help you top her own pizza (you can buy premade dough). Offer choices such as tomato sauce, cheese, olives, and red peppers, and let her spoon up as much or as little as she chooses. Be open to the pizza as a process rather than an end product.

7. Prep and plan when possible. If you are trying a complex project like making muffins, pre-measure the ingredients into separate containers and have all your supplies ready before you invite your toddler over. This will allow you some control and prevent unanticipated dumping. Remember, the more steps the recipe has, the less likely your toddler can focus all the way to the end of the project.

8. Introduce literacy! Read books such as Stone Soup and then make soup. Write out the recipe with pictographs and your toddler can follow along, "reading" the recipe with you.

9. Invite your toddler to help clean up. Your toddler can "wash" plastic dishes in a bin of soapy water, sweep, and sponge up spills.

10. Eat your results and enjoy. Model healthy eating habits and your toddler may try them, too.

 Julia Luckenbill, MA, is a child development demonstration lecturer at the Center for Child and Family Studies Laboratory School at the University of California, Davis. Her interests include emergent curriculum, farming with toddlers, photography, and exploring the world with her daughter.

Young children find humor in ridiculous situations, silly rhymes, and word plays. They use their thinking skills and draw on their knowledge and experiences to get the joke. Children need to understand why a situation is absurd before they can find it funny! Sharing a joke is a great way to strengthen family ties. These books and activities will have you and your child laughing together in no time.

(Note: Many of these books are available in Spanish.)

Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! by Mo Willems. 2003.

When the bus driver takes a break, he asks the reader to do one thing: "Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus.” Sounds easy enough, but the very determined pigeon tries everything to get behind the wheel, including, "No fair! I bet your mom would let me.” Children enjoy shouting out "No!” in response to the pigeon’s persistent requests. The illustrations are hilarious, and your child will identify with the pigeon’s pleading tone while at the same time recognizing that the pigeon is being ridiculously unreasonable.

Available in English and Spanish. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

I Ain’t Gonna Paint No More! by Karen Beaumont.
Illus. by David Catrow. 2005.

To the tune of “It Ain’t Gonna Rain No More,” this book depicts an exuberant boy whose mama tells him, “Ya ain’t gonna paint no more,” after catching him painting pictures on the floors and walls, ceiling, and furniture. But this boy just can’t help himself as he joyously paints his face, neck, arms, and more.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

A Isn’t for Fox: An Isn’t Alphabet, by Wendy Ulmer.
Illus. by Laura Knorr. 2007.

“D isn’t for crow; it isn’t for snow. D is for dragons from times long ago.” This alphabet book has a sense of humor. You may be surprised by how often your child recognizes that the words don’t match the letter. It’s fun for children to show you what they know.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

Source: Adapted from S. Friedman, 2008, "Laugh Together with These Books," Now Read This!, Teaching Young Children 1 (3): 3.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education