Family friendly live performances are a wonderful introduction for your child into the world of performing arts. Here are some tips to help children prepare for visits to performance venues.

Before your visit:

• Call the theater in advance and ask how long the show will last and the age the performance is intended for.

• Explain what you will see and hear during the performance with your child. Talk about the characters, tell the story, or listen to other music in the same style. If the performance is based on a storybook, read it beforehand with your child.

• Review appropriate audience manners. Remind your child of how to behave among large groups, out in public, and during quiet times. Explain when applause is appropriate.

On the day of the visit:

• Arrive early so there is plenty of time to explore the theater. You might take a close-up look at the stage or peer into the orchestra pit. An early arrival also leaves plenty of time to use the restroom and find your seats.

• Recognize that it is okay to leave before the end of the performance. Preschoolers may find even a half-hour event too long. One adult can take the child who has reached his or her limits to the lobby or outdoors to play a game or read a story.

After the performance

• Talk about what you just saw and heard. Ask, “What did you think?” “What did you like best?”And “Which characters were your favorites?”

• Read a related book or do an art, music, or dance project. Provide dress-up clothes, puppets, props, and other materials so your child can reenact the performance.

Source: Adapted from the Message in a Backpack, Teaching Young Children 4 (3): 11

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

By Frances Carlson

Big body play is the very physical, vigorous, boisterous, and sometimes bone-jarring play style many children love and crave. 

Big body play is...

• When a child throws herself onto a sofa.
• When children wrestle.
• When friends jump off climbing equipment.
• When friends chase each other as they laugh, or race to a finish line.

Why is big body play important for children?

Big body play supports children’s physical development but it also supports the development of children’s social awareness, emotional thinking, and language skills. Research shows that big body play comes naturally to children. Children all over the world play this way, and that is why it's so important that adults, both teachers and family members, understand and support it.

How does big body play support children's learning?

There are many ways big body play supports and enhances children’s learning. 

Younger children gain a lot of information about their bodies through big body play. For example, when a mother kisses or massages her baby’s body, her baby learns about where his body ends and the space around him begins. He also learns how different types of touch feel and the names for those feelings. 

When a toddler jumps into her dad’s lap, or she runs to hug a friend, she learns how to control and regulate her body movements. She also learns that she should adapt the intensity of her movements in relation to another person. For example, she might run to hug her friend with less force than she uses to jump into her dad’s lap. 

When children enjoy big body play they can also build both verbal and nonverbal communication skills. Through big body play, they learn to correctly interpret nonverbal gestures, like when my friend puts her hand up it means I should stop but if she smiles it means I can keep going. Children will apply this skill throughout their lives in different social situations.

When children take turns jumping off a tree stump they practice taking turns. 

And, because most children enjoy the play so much, they learn how to compromise. They might let other children go first and be strongest so that the play can continue. Children are also calmer for longer periods of time following very rowdy play. Greater learning is likely during these calm, focused periods. 

Why does this type of play make some parents and other adults nervous?

Even though I have studied and written about this kind of play, sometimes, it still makes me nervous! As parents and teachers, we are very serious about protecting children and keeping them safe. It’s difficult to watch children engaged in physically rowdy and vigorous play and not fear that someone is about to be hurt. Often adults see children roughhousing and think they are really fighting so they often err toward caution and shut it down. 

How parents can support big body play:

• Supervise play closely. If your child needs help telling a playmate to stop or to do something in a different way, you’ll be there to help.
• Talk with your child and set some ground rules for big body play. For example, If your child likes to wrestle, you might set up a Wrestling Zone in your home. Choose an area with enough space to wrestle without bumping into furniture. Make a rule about how long each wrestling bout can last before time is called. You might also have a rule about all wrestling moves being between shoulders and waists, and not around necks or heads.

Five things you should know about big body play

1. Big body play looks like fighting, but it isn’t fighting.
2. Big body play is rowdy, physical, and usually loud. It rarely turns into real fighting.
3. Big body play is a vital component of children’s growth and development. Children all over the world play this way.
4. Big body play gives children sustained moderate-to-vigorous physical exercise. With our current obesity epidemic such a growing concern, it can help children stay fit and healthy.
5. The quickest way to distinguish big body play from real fighting is by looking at the expressions on children’s faces. Their big smiles let us know the play is okay. 

Frances Carlson is the author of Big BodyPlay: WhyBoisterous, Vigorous, and Very Physical Play IsEssential to Children's Development and Learning.

We talked to Dr. Toy (Stevanne Auerbach) about the value of toys and what to think about before selecting a toy for your child.

Why are toys important for young children?

Play is essential to babies, toddlers, preschool, and school-age children. Children need plenty of opportunities to play with a variety of good toys and materials and use their imagination. We need to respect and understand more about the world of play and its great value for all babies and children (and adults as well). Toys are an important part of every child’s life. It is a wonderful feeling to give the right toy. Choosing the right toy from among the many possibilities can be very rewarding to both adult and child.

What questions should parents ask before selecting a toy or children's product?

1. Is the toy/product safe? Are there any potential hazards? Is the product too small? Any sharp edges or loose ties? Is it nontoxic? Will it take rough treatment? Can it be easily cleaned? Does it meet Consumer Product Safety Standards? Is there a warranty?

2. Is the product fun? A toy or child’s product is supposed to entertain the child. It should amuse, delight, excite, be enjoyable, and provide skills’ practice.

3. Is the product appropriate? Is this toy or product significant now? Does the toy fit the child’s age, skills, and abilities? Will it hold interest? Will the child be happy using the product?

4. Is the product well-designed? Is it easy to use? Does it look good? feel good?

5. Is the product versatile? Is there more than one use for it?

6. Is the product durable? Will it be something that will last a long time? Children play hard and subject their toys to a lot of wear.

7. Is the product enticing and engaging to the child? Does it offer an opportunity for fun, to learn, and to think?

8. Will the product help the child expand creativity? With the right products, the child can expand imagination in art, crafts, hobbies, language, reading, music, movement, and drama.

9. Will the toy frustrate or challenge the child? Will the child know how to use the product? Or will it be too difficult to use without adult assistance? Does the toy offer something new to learn, to practice, or to try?

10. Does the product match the package and the package match the product? If the toy does not match ads or packaging, it can be disappointing. Is age-grading clear? Is the item in the store like the product shown in the print media or TV advertisement?

11. Will the toy help nurture childhood? Does the product help the child express emotions, experience concern for others, and practice positive social interaction? Does it provide value to childhood? Or are there any violent, sexist, or other negative aspects to product?

12. What will the toy teach? Does it help expand positive self-esteem, values, understanding, and cultural awareness? Does it offer practice in skill building? eye/hand coordination? fine and large motor skills? communication? Does it educate the child about the environment? the community? the world? history? science and/or technology? other skills?

13. Can the product be cleaned and reused? If it is not washable, can it be cleaned in a practical way?

14. Is the toy affordable?

15. Does the price match the value received?

What are special considerations when thinking about electronic toys and games? 

Sometimes it seems that books have lost their appeal to children (and to adults), but this may be simply competition between traditional forms of learning and new electronics that appear compelling. Children need to read from books, hear stories read aloud, and also draw, write creatively, and play with many different kinds of products (paper, clay, art supplies, puzzles, blocks, dolls, soft toys like puppets, musical instruments, and many others) for optimal learning and for their own enjoyment. Electronic toys, regardless of how many bells and whistles and gadgetry, should not ever replace the experience of reading a book,  enjoying a story, playing with real objects, and creating with their hands, whether finger painting or building a tower of blocks. Too often, electronics take over our attention and we forget to interact with a real person or take the time for conversation. I do think electronics are excellent tools for rapid exchanges about making plans, or quickly sending information, and even playing good games for brief periods of time. But electronics and high-tech toys cannot replace much needed personal contact and real human interaction. An example of this is playing a cooperative board game and having fun together as a family, as contrasted to playing alone on a computer or electronic game device. Social interaction is what is most valuable for full human development and well-being.

What are some different types of toys?

Select toys that offer a good balance and enrich children’s skills and creative opportunities. Include products that offer open-ended play like blocks, physical play like balls, silly toys like jack in the box for its fun and surprise responses, and, of course, electronics that are in balance with nontech toys.

Activity toys develop coordination, improve small and large motor skills, and balance. Begin with balls and beanbags; add a tricycle, bike, wagon, or skates. A jump rope and a kite are great for outdoor fun. Always check whether your child is ready for the activity. Also, don’t forget the valuable experiences of gardening, nature walks, and exploring.

Creativity toys stimulate self-expression. The child can create with crayons, finger-paints, watercolors, clay and craft sets. Children learn from following directions, a sequence of activities, and gain satisfaction in completing a project. Don’t forget activities like making something new with a cardboard box to stimulate imagination, singing or listening to or making music, or trying other creative projects.

Learning toys contribute to the acquisition of knowledge. These toys include books, tapes, videos, software, CDs, puzzles, and board games. The child should read books, listen to music, solve puzzles, and play games. Take time to read a story or create a puppet show. Discuss programs watched on TV or a recent movie attended. You can also build together with blocks and varied construction toys, play board games, and solve puzzles.

When a child has a preference for particular kinds of toys, is that something to encourage or should parents try to get their child to expand?

It’s best to expose children to many alternatives so that they can appreciate many styles while forming their own preferences. Older children have a wide range of interests. They continue to enjoy play, but are able to handle more complexity—in games, projects, products, and activities. You will learn a lot if you listen to what children like and why. You may not agree, but understand the preferences as a sign of their own personality growth and emerging peer relationships that are exceedingly important as they mature.

What are “open- ended” toys, and why are they important?

Open-ended toys and activities like bocks, puppets, dolls, and art supplies stimulate creativity, sense of humor, sense of discovery, wonder, reasoning, social development, and much more.

What's the role of fun or joy in selecting toys, or should a parent always be thinking of "education”?

Being a fully developed person requires a good combination of thinking, common sense, and experiences. We must also experience a full range of emotions to be fully human. It would not be good to be lopsided to one degree or another. It’s better if we can solve problems, make good choices based on character and values, and feel glad and proud about finding solutions. Certainly children need to solve problems, express their feelings, and spend time each day in playful activities. If we are only rational and don’t allow ourselves to express feelings, we drastically reduce and diminish the full human experience of joy and discovery. The world of toys provides learning and fun, surprises and skills, emotional growth, experiences of all kinds, and much more. Enjoy smart play and smart toys for a lifetime. Toys, puzzles, and games are good for children—and seniors. Playtime is, after all, good for a lifetime. Turn off the TV and Turn on playtime for more fun, memorable, and meaningful family time.

© 2012 Stevanne Auerbach

About Dr. Toy

Stevanne Auerbach, PhD, is known as Dr. Toy and is the author of Smart Play/Smart Toys (published in 15 countries) and Dr. Toy’s Guide, www.drtoy.com, a website that offers useful, timely guidance on toys for all ages and from around the world. Dr. Toy is a former teacher and administrator with the federal government and was founder/director of the San Francisco International Toy Museum. drtoy@drtoy.com

By Yi-Chin Lan

There are many ways to enjoy reading with your child. Here are a few ways to make reading a fun part of your everyday life.

1. Develop family reading routines and rituals

Find a regular time of day when you can dedicate story time into your day. You can read in the morning, after school, or before bedtime! Making story time a cozy routine makes reading an essential and pleasant activity.

2. Read what interests your child

The nutrition facts on the milk box, newspapers, recipes, maps, and game instructions all make great reading material if your child is interested.

3. Try books that reflect your daily experiences

Making connections to topics you read about is a fun way to keep children engaged. For example, you can read You Can’t Take a Balloon into the Metropolitan Museum with your child before or after visiting an art museum. This opens up opportunities for conversations like discussing similarities and differences between the book and the museum visit.

Or read Dr. Seuss’s In a People House and then ask your child if they see any similar items, how they work, or even create a new book based on what’s inside your own home.

4. Let your child select books

When you visit the library, let your child select books. Try both fiction and informational books, and ask the librarian for recommendations based on your child’s interests.

5. Reread your child’s favorites

It’s common for young children to request the same book again and again. Re-reading familiar stories offers children a chance to absorb information over time and lets them master the whole story.

6. Encourage storytelling

Encourage your child to tell you a story from time to time or to retell a story after you’ve read it several times. Don’t feel the need to correct how she’s telling the story. Let her enjoy the experience of storytelling.

7. Have fun while reading

Try whatever style feels comfortable for you and your child. Some ways families have fun with stories include:

• Acting out the story while reading by using facial expressions, gestures, body movements, and voices to make the story come to life.
• Making the story relevant to your child’s life by adapting the story to include her name, a friend’s name, or your pet’s name. For example, surprise your child by saying “Olivia, Olivia, what do you see?” when you read Eric Carle’s Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
• Finding props to go along with favorite stories and offering them to your child to use in her play.

8. Change your setting!

It can be fun to read books in different places in and around your home. Try reading Eric Carle’s The Very Lonely Firefly in a dark room with a flashlight. I’ve read The Lamb and the Butterfly (written by Arnold Sundgaard, illustrated by Eric Carle) to a group of four-year-olds on the grass, and when they saw a butterfly fly by, they associated it with the one in the story! You can even ask your child where she wants to read a particular story.

9. Try one of these books that trigger children's interest in reading

Adam Lehrhaupt’s Warning: Do Not Open This Book! Is a great example of a book that draws children into the act of reading. Children wonder: “Why can’t I open this book?” and read on. Here are some others:

• Don’t Push The Button by Bill Cotter
• Go Away, Big Green Monster! by Ed Emberley
• How To Hide a Lion by Helen Stephens I
• If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff
• Maisy’s Fairground by Lucy Cousins 
• My Granny’s Purse And My Mummy’s Bag by P. H. Hanson
• Press Here by Herve Tullet
• Tap to Play by Salina Yoon
• The Foggy Foggy forest by Nick Sharratt
• Where’s Wally? by Martin Handford

10. Get to know your child and your own reading style

• Knowing your child and your own reading style is important for three main reasons:
• It offers you an opportunity to observe what interests your child. Be it science, art, interactive books or wordless books, you will figure out her current interest and support her in appropriate ways.
• You won’t impose your preferences on your child; instead, you will share what you like with each other and get a chance to explore those beyond your favorites.
• It allows your child to understand and respect that every individual reads differently and it is okay.

There are lots of ways to encourage and enjoy reading. Try these ideas and do more of what your child enjoys.

Yi-Chin Lan received her PhD in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Texas at Austin. When she worked as a kindergarten teacher, she read her students at least three books a day. Her favorite picture books are Miss Rumphius, Guess how much I love you, and Not a box. She can be reached at lollipop0913@gmail.com

by Georgi-Ann Clarke

With the holidays quickly approaching, we’ve compiled some ideas on toys, play, and family learning that will come in handy when selecting gifts for the young children in your life.

Top 10 No Cost Toys for Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers - A simple list of items for young children that will entertain your child at no cost!

Low Cost Learning Materials for Infants and Toddlers - Several collections of household items that will keep your child learning and exploring!

Selecting Apps to Support Children's Learning - Use these guidelines and ideas when selecting apps to download for young children! The Harvard Family Research Projects offers additional tips for selecting apps.

Why Do Babies Like Boxes Best? Many young children prefer a simple box and its wrapping to the gift on the inside. Learn more about why babies enjoy this type of play!

10 Prop Boxes Ideas - Mini Learning Centers at Home - Ideas for hands-on materials you can place in boxes in your home that children can use to explore, learn, and play!

Why This Toy? - Information from Dr. Toy about the value of toys and what to think about before selecting a toy for your child!

Looking for ways to support your child’s learning during the holiday season?  Here are 10 ideas that you can try during your regular activities – cooking, eating, playing, and exploring!

1. Let your child help with a big job.

2. Enjoy cooking together.

3. Play with your child to support her approach to learning.

4. Support language development during everyday interactions. 

5. Add a little math to your conversations.

6. Bond as you read together.

7. Stay active.

8. Explore the outdoors!

9. Sing together!

10. Make a book about your experiences together.

I’m a director at a Jewish preschool housed inside a synagogue, so I spend a lot of time considering how to teach young children the deeper meaning of holidays.   In my experience, starting with values is an easy way for adults to remind themselves what holidays are all about, and shape children’s identities as compassionate people of character.

Beyond just those holidays that involve presents and (usually) happen in December, Judaism and other religions have many holidays to enjoy and there are values that thread through each one as they appear on the calendar. Here are some ideas to help your kids (and yourself) enjoy the true meaning of the winter holiday season, no matter which holiday you celebrate at home.  

Think About Your Values

Make it a yearly habit to reflect on your values as a family. Have you ever asked yourself what you really stand for? What kinds of things make your family special? How do you come together?  Maybe you stand for fun and creativity, or making people happy and being outside. Every year take a few minutes to write down your values as a family and allow even the littlest kids to get in on the act. If their answer is dinosaurs then so be it. You’re laying the foundation for kids to connect what they care about with taking action to help support a cause. Put the values on a  wall, or in a jar to revisit throughout the year.

Use Your Values to Make a Positive Impact

Based on the values you’ve chosen as a family  think of ways you can give back. Does your  family love to be outside? Find a day to participate in cleaning up a neighborhood park, or volunteer for trail maintenance. If you’re a dog loving family find out what you can do to support your local animal shelter, which could be as simple such as donating blankets and towels. Do you stand for kindness? Maybe you have an elderly neighbor who could use help in their yard or a plate of cookies. And if you have the kid who values dinosaurs find out what you can do to give back to your local science museum. Any of the values you choose have real world experiences kids can engage to make the world a better place.

Model Giving and Gratitude 

Help children create simple gifts for others like drawings or paintings so they can practice the act of giving. These gifts don’t need to be fancy, let them be truly child created so that kids gain first hand experience of  “It’s the thought that counts.” Tinkerlab (one of my favorite blogs) has a lot of great, low or no-cost ideas!

Help your family members write thank you notes to people, taking dictation for children who haven’t learned to write yet. Write thank you notes to your child as well so they experience the feeling of being thanked.

It’s easy to get dragged into the hustle and bustle of December. The greatest joy of being with children is having the opportunity to re-experience the every day  and make things magical, and meaningful anew, one small act of kindness at a time.

By: Carrie Cutler

By: Angèle Sancho Passe      

You have a concern about your child’s care and education, how do you handle it?

When Paul picks up Sofia (4 months), he’s surprised to see she’s sucking on a pacifier. He and his wife Molly had communicated to her teacher that they didn’t want Sofia to use pacifiers. Flustered, he takes the pacifier out of Sofia’s mouth and leaves without saying a word. At home, Paul and Molly discuss the situation. Did the staff give Sofia the pacifier because she was crying too much and that was the only way to console her? Did the teachers disregard their wishes? Or did they just forget?

Sandra is worried that Mason (3.5 years) does not want to go to preschool any more. He used to calmly say good bye, but now he protests loudly and cries. The teacher says he is fine, just a little “touchy”. Sandra is increasingly nervous. Is there something going on at school that she is not being told about?

These stories have a common theme.  Parents have concerns and they don’t know how to talk with their child’s teachers without being emotional. They may feel anger towards the provider, guilt over wondering if they are leaving their child in a good place, embarrassment about confronting the expert teacher, and confusion about what to say and when.  But often, not communicating leads to more negative emotions and concerns.

Here are some tips to address concerns with teachers. Unless it is an urgent safety issue, it is OK not to react immediately and take some time to collect your thoughts.  

Before the meeting:

• Ask yourself the questions: “What do I want to see happen?” and “Why is it important for my child?” Write down your ideas if that helps you think them through.

• Arrange a time to talk face to face (or a phone call if in person isn’t possible.) Try not to use email to present your concerns. It’s best to have a conversation so you and the teacher can exchange your feelings and ideas at the same time.

During the conversation:

• State your feelings and ideas, using I statements: “Yesterday, when I picked up Sofia, she had a pacifier in her mouth. I’m concerned because we had written that we do not want her to have a pacifier.  I’d like to talk about how it happened and find a solution with you”.

• Listen to the teacher’s response: “The teacher was a substitute.”

• Clarify your questions: “How are substitutes informed about parents’ wishes and children’s needs?”

• Discuss several options with the teacher stating her ideas too. “What solutions can we find together?”

• Agree on the solution that makes the most sense to you and the teacher.

• Plan a follow up meeting within a week to review the situation.

So how did it go for Sofia and Mason’s parents?

A few days later, Paul and Molly called the teacher and requested an appointment. During the meeting, they shared they felt strongly about not giving Sofia pacifiers. The teacher apologized and explained what happened:  A new assistant teacher had given Sofia the pacifier without consulting Sofia’s chart. They all agreed that this was a mistake.  Paul and Molly asked if there was a policy to avoid this kind of situation. The teacher offered to put in place a policy that all staff would review parents’ preferences weekly. Paul and Molly felt reassured but wanted some confirmation that the policy would be followed. They planned to talk again in two weeks to check in.

Sandra was a bit nervous, but she decided to ask for a formal meeting with the teacher.  At the meeting she told the teacher that she didn’t understand the meaning of “touchy” and wanted to talk about it. The teacher apologized for using casual language. She explained why she was not worried: “It is common for preschoolers to go through a new phase of separation anxiety, even after they seem to have adjusted well. They still feel very dependent on their parents, and are learning about independence at the same time. They protest when parents leave, but recover quickly and play well the rest of the session. The important part is to notice Mason’s behavior at the end of the day: does he seem happy?”  Sandra agreed that he was and she was reassured by the teacher’s knowledge of child development. They planned to continue to check in weekly to assess how Mason was progressing.

Quality child care centers follow NAEYC’s Code of Ethical Conduct which recognizes the primary importance of families in children’s development. Most of the time life goes along smoothly. Occasionally it takes extra effort to be on the same page. Parents have the right and responsibility to bring up their concerns. Children learn more and are happier when their families and teachers collaborate for their care and education.

Angèle Sancho Passe is the author of Is Everybody Ready for Kindergarten? and other titles. She is an education consultant and past member of the NAEYC governing board. She lives in Minneapolis. www.angelesanchopasse.com

Young children love to help out, but many times we don’t let them. Why? Because we think it’s easier—and faster—to do everyday jobs ourselves. Your child might take 15 minutes to finish a job you can do in one minute. But in 15 minutes your child can learn a lot!

Big Jobs are indoor and outdoor jobs children do with their families (or others) that help the whole family. They include tasks like setting the table, planting flowers, and tidying up when visitors are coming. To adults they might seem like simple tasks, but Big Jobs carry big rewards—for your child and your entire family.

How are Big Jobs different from chores?

You assign chores. Children volunteer to do Big Jobs because they want to help out. Also, Big Jobs are done together with other family members. Teamwork is an important part of doing Big Jobs.

What do children learn from doing Big Jobs?

They learn to:

• work with other people
• solve problems
• compromise
• contribute to their family

What are some Big Jobs young children can do?

• Cooking and baking—washing and peeling vegetables, stirring muffin batter, tearing lettuce leaves to make salad
• Gardening—digging holes, planting seeds, raking leaves, weeding, watering plants indoors and outdoors
• Doing laundry—carrying the laundry basket, sorting, folding, delivering clean clothes to each family member’s room
• Caring for pets—feeding, brushing, walking, cleaning the cage or aquarium
• Cleaning—rinsing dishes, dusting, emptying wastebaskets

Tips for doing Big Jobs at home

• Keep your child safe. Show your child how to safely use equipment like a rake or a vegetable peeler. Stay close by when it is his turn.
• Try to find child-size tools. They make jobs easier and safer.
• Have fun. Remember, your child chose to help out. Keep it enjoyable and she will want to do Big Jobs all the time.
• Talk while you work together. Chat about what you are doing and whatever else your child wants to discuss.
• Show your appreciation for the work family members have done. Say, “Thanks for setting the table, everyone. We are ready for dinner now, and the table looks beautiful.”

Source: Adapted from the Message in a Backpack for N.P. Jones, 2007, "Big Jobs,"Teaching Young Children 1 (1): 10–12.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

Your young child is unique and probably has a wide range of interests and abilities. Help your child understand her uniqueness by showing her that you appreciate her as an individual. Young children learn about themselves when they explore their own interests and learn about other people. All of the offbeat characters in these books find ways to stay true to themselves. Your child will surely identify with one of them.

(Note: Many of these books can be purchased as a hardcover, paperback, or board book.)

Bear's Picture, by Daniel Pinkwater.
Illus. by D.B. Johnson. 2008.

As Bear paints a picture, two proper gentlemen come along and tell him, “Bears can’t paint pictures!” Bear happily continues painting. Although the two gentlemen don’t understand his work, Bear doesn’t care. He knows it’s his picture, and he likes it just the way it is. A humorous reminder to believe in our own creative expressions.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed, by Mo Willems. 2009.

Although all the other naked mole rats wear no clothing at all, Wilbur likes to dress up. His friends assume he must be breaking some kind of rule and complain to Grand-pah. But instead of outlawing clothing, Grand-pah decides to try on some himself. Although it takes them some time to get used to wearing clothes, the other mole rats soon see the pleasures of self expression through dressing up.

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover and paperback.

Ella Sarah Gets Dressed, by Margaret Chodos-Irvine. 2003.

Ella puts on her pink polka-dot pants, her dress with orange and green flowers, her purple-and-blue-striped socks, her yellow shoes, and her red hat. "It’s too fancy,” her dad tells her. Her mom says it’s too dressy. Her sister tells her it’s too silly. Will Ella listen to her family, or stick with the outfit she likes?

Available in English. Can be purchased as a hardcover, paperback, and board book.

Source: Adapted from S. Friedman, 2009, "Encourage a Strong Sense of Self," Now Read This!, Teaching Young Children 3 (1): 3.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

By: Rhian Evans Allvin

As tablets, smart phones, and large screen televisions connected to the internet transform households across the county, these devices become part of family gift giving. And whether someone purchased a technology related gift for your child or your child used a tablet that was a gift for you, it’s important to think about the quality of the content your children will interact with while using screen media as well as how much time you want your children to spend using tech toys and tools.

Here are some things to keep in mind when using or selecting tech related gifts for young kids:

Good tech toys match children’s stage of development and for babies that means not using screens as a babysitter.

The first years of a child’s life are critical for that child’s cognitive, social, emotional, and physical development. So much of how children this age learn is through responsive interactions with others and physical exploration of how their bodies move. Babies and toddlers are learning how to move their bodies, make sounds, make sense of the world, and communicate. Technology and screen media can support but not replace those interactions. Think about reading e-books together, looking at family photos and video chatting with relatives, playing games together and talking about real world experiences that connect to the screen games you play. Avoid content and gadgets that set up infants and toddlers for being on their own with a device. Having recently moved across the country and away from family, one of my kids’ favorite activities is to Facetime with their cousins and grandparents in Arizona.

More about screen time and infants and toddlers:

• Screen Sense: Setting the Record Straight (from Zero to Three)
• Common Sense, Science Based Advice on Toddler Screen Time by Lisa Guernsey
• For Infants and Toddlers in the Digital Age: Time with Adults Still Matters Most (From the Fred Rogers center blog)
• 12 Ways to Support Language Development with Infants and Toddlers (from families.naeyc.org)
• Tips for Video Chatting with Young Children (from families.naeyc.org)

Choose games and tools that enhance preschooler’s and kindergartener’s real world experiences.

Preschoolers and kindergarteners are developing a sense of initiative and creativity.They are curious about the world around them and create and communicate using a variety of materials (crayons, felt-tip markers, paints and other art materials, blocks, dolls, dress up clothing, miniature animals). Screen media is one more outlet for them to express their creativity and explore learning. Think about games and tools that allow your child to explore an interest (like animals), make connections to the non digital world and learn about the world (like monitoring bird migration or the weather), create something new (like a tool for musical exploration) and tell stories using photos and words (with a storytelling tool or app). Also look for media and tools that allows children to work together with friends and siblings.

More about tech toys and screen media with preschoolers and kindergartners:

• NAEYC’s Technology and Young Children Position Statement
• Joan Ganz Cooney Center
• Common Sense Media
• Children's Technology Review
• The Fred Rogers Center

Apps can be fun and also support children's learning

With so many apps on the market it can be hard to know what’s good for young kids. There are some general guidelines families can think about when selecting apps. Does the app connect with your child's real world interests? Can your child navigate easily and get out of whatever she has gotten into? If your child creates something, can she save her work? And remember, If choosing an app for an infant or toddler make sure it's something you or another adult will use with them.

The good news is that a number of early childhood organizations have created guides to help families as they think about and select apps.

• Selecting Apps to Support Chidlren’s Learning (from families.naeyc.org)
• Family Time with Apps: A Guide to using Apps with Your Kids (From the Joan Ganz Cooney Center)
• The Holidays are Here. Which apps will you share with the children in your life? (From the Harvard Family Research project)

Remember how important real world experiences are for young children and think about your family's desired media diet

Kids need to move their bodies to grow and develop.They build fine motor skills through activities where they use their hands like squeezing play dough, cutting with scissors and doing puzzles. And kids also need plenty of physical exercise every day. Think of tech toys as just one part of the many interesting fun and engaging toys and tools your child will play with and learn from. One phrase that’s starting to take hold to describe the need to balance the use of screen media with other activities is the term media diet. How will your young child use screen media and other tech toys and also have plenty of time for reading books, hands on art materials, playing outside and socializing with friends? What’s your families media diet? Is it where you want it to be or do you want to shift things? My husband and I spend a lot of our parenting time thinking about how our kids’ experiences support their optimal development. Technology and media are a part of their experience--but not the only part. It is our responsibility to create a balance of experiences that support all aspects of their growth and development.

• Helping Young Children Develop a Healthy Media Diet (Form the Fred Rogers Center blog)
• Help your child develop fine motor skills (From families.naeyc.org)
• Let’s Move

Rhian Evans Allvin is the Executive Director at NAEYC.

Our Learning Moments is a blog where families share stories about their own and their children’s learning.  Use this form to submit your story ideas.
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By Mary Reid

“Reading to your children gives them a lifetime of happiness,” says Elizabeth,my 23-year-old daughter, an avid reader.

When our two children were preschool age, their father’s career required him to be away from home until evening almost every day. By the time he made it home just before dinner, I was ready for some assistance. Every night after dinner he took charge of the kids for 45 minutes. They all piled onto our big bed with lots of pillows, the children’s favorite stuffed animals, and a stack of books. He started reading to them before they could walk and continued until they were in second and fourth grade, respectively. There’s no telling how many books he read or how many times he reread their favorites. As the children matured, he began reading chapter books in nightly installments.   

I don’t know about that promised lifetime of happiness, but as a pre-K teacher I now know how important it is to read to young children. I attribute much of my children’s academic success to the hours their father gave to reading aloud to them.

Reading to a young child is important for several reasons:

• It builds your relationship with the child. There’s always something to talk about—the characters, the action, how it makes you feel and why. And all the language you share in conversation is an amazing learning experience for the child 

• It teaches rhythm. Children need exposure to the rhythm of language. What better way to teach it than with a silly book like Who Stole the Cookies From the Cookie Jar?

• It teaches rhyme, another essential skill when learning to read. Read nursery rhymes aloud and repeat them often with your child. “Little Boy Blue” and “Mary Had a Little Lamb” should be on your reading list as well as other old favorites.

• It strengthens focus and attention span. If you say, “My 3-year-old won’t sit and listen to a book,” try a wordless book with bright, colorful photos that interest her (e.g., dogs, trucks, butterflies). Focused attention is a necessary skill for later learning.

• It teaches new vocabulary. When you read books like Is Your Mama a Llama?, by Deborah Guarino, animal names and their babies’ names become a natural part of the conversation. Did you know a baby llama is called a cria? Your 3-year-old may even recognize the names of some animals when your play group visits the zoo.

When you read with your child, you cozy up with him and a good book because it’s fun. The time spent together is irreplaceable. No, you don’t set out to teach your child when you read to him. But it happens. 

And maybe you’ll also give your child a lifetime of happiness.

 Mary Reid taught Pre-K and Kindergarten for 11 years in the public school system in Villa Rica, GA. In the fall of 2015, she began a new adventure teaching pre-service teachers at the University of West Georgia in Carrollton, GA. 

Developmentally appropriate? Scaffolding? Your child’s teacher might use language other educators understand but may be new to you. This list of commonly used early childhood terms can help you understand what the teacher means when she talks about what and how your child is learning.

Approaches to learning: How children become curious about learning new things. It is also how children respond to learning situations. Curiosity about the world, initiative and problem solving, and focused attention and persistence are just a few approaches to learning teachers and families hope to foster.

A teacher might say: “Your child has some wonderful approaches to learning. She’s very persistent when working on puzzles.”

Cognitive development: How children learn to think, make decisions, and solve problems.

A teacher might say: “We want to build the children’s cognitive development, so today we conducted a science experiment, and the children tried to predict the result.”

Constructive play: When children use blocks, LEGOs, or other materials to make buildings or towers.

A teacher might say: “Rebekah made a pretty complicated castle during her constructive play today!”

Developmentally appropriate practice (DAP): Teaching strategies that are based on knowledge of how young children develop and learn, what makes each child unique, and the child’s community and family culture and home language. DAP activities are neither too difficult or too easy, but just right. For example, in most cases it is developmentally appropriate to introduce a 4-year-old to the letters in his name, with the expectation that over time he will learn to write his name on his own. On the other hand, it is not developmentally appropriate to ask 4-year-olds to write letters over and over again on worksheets.

A teacher might say: “In this classroom, we don’t believe that worksheets are developmentally appropriate.”

Dramatic play: When children pretend to be someone else, such as a firefighter or doctor, and they make up scenes and dialogue.

A teacher might say: “We’d love to have you bring a few items related to going to work for the children to use in their dramatic play.”

Exploratory play: When children discover how materials work. For example, when playing with water or sand, children explore how to fill and empty buckets.

A teacher might say: “Today Andre discovered how to use a bucket to build a sand castle during his exploratory play!”

Environmental print: The words that are all around us, such as store signs, a menu board, or a poster with the daily schedule.

A teacher might say: “Your child can learn a lot about reading and writing just by seeing environmental print.”

Physical and motor development: How children use their bodies to make large movements with their legs and arms (gross motor) and small movements with their fingers and hands (fine motor). Children learn with their legs and arms when they run, climb, or ride a tricycle. They learn with their fingers and hands when they cut with scissors, use a pencil, or construct a puzzle.

A teacher might say: “We need to support children's fine motor development so we are using playdough to strengthen fingers.”

Print awareness: When children understand how print works. For example, after listening to lots of stories, children notice that letters make words, words make a story, and reading goes from left to right in English.

A teacher might say: “Maritza’s print awareness is developing. She’s picking up books right-side up and is starting to turn the pages of the book herself.”

Self-regulation: How children learn to control their feelings and their bodies. For example, if a child wants to play with a toy her friend is using, she asks for a turn rather than grabbing it.

A teacher might say: “I've seen so much grown in children's self-regulation. At the beginning of the year children sometimes just take a toy they want even if another child is using it. Now I hear them ask if they can use it..”

Social and emotional development: How children learn about feelings. It helps them feel good about themselves and helps them understand the feelings of other people.

A teacher might say: “We are supporting children's social and emotional development by reading books about friendship.”

Scaffolding: When an adult helps children learn at a faster rate and more than they would on their own. For example, when an adult holds a child’s hand as he goes up the slide ladder, the adult is scaffolding his learning to climb.

A teacher might say: “Robert is almost ready to climb up the slide ladder on his own, but not quite. I’ve been helping him by holding his hand and scaffolding his climbing skills until he’s able to do it without my help.”

Source: Adapted from “Talking About Education With Families” by Angele Sancho Passe, Teaching Young Children 6 (4): 6-7

By Yi-Chin Lan

Observation is an important science skill that includes far more than simply looking at an object. To observe, one needs to pay close attention to many details and then compare and analyze them. Here are nine picture books that you can read with your kids to help them sharpen their observation skills.

1. Spot It: Find the Hidden Creatures, by Delphine Chedru Spot It Again: Find More Hidden Creatures, by Delphine Chedru (ages both suitable for Years 3-6) Scour the rich repeating graphics to find creatures such as the hamster who has lost her ball, soccer-playing earthworms, and a showy peacock. The brief clues provided in the text require your child to make comparisons in order to find the hidden creatures.
2. The Where’s Waldo? Series, by Martin Handford (ages 3-6) Perhaps one of the most famous children’s book characters, Waldo always carries a walking stick and wears a red and white striped shirt, a bobble hat, and glasses. Handford frequently disguises Waldo by placing him in crowded scenes and surrounding him with other red and white striped objects. Little ones must pay close attention to find their real target. Spend some time developing a few strategies with your child to find Waldo quickly.
3. Changes, by Anthony Browne (ages 4-6) You can always find something attention grabbing in Anthony Browne’s work! A good way to start reading this picture book is by asking your child what she notices about the book’s cover. The story begins as Joseph’s dad announces, “Things are going to change.” Invite your child to carefully observe the illustrations and see how many “changes” she can find. After you have finished the book, ask her which change she thought was the biggest.
4. Who Is Driving?, by Leo Timmers (ages 4-6) In this book children are tasked with the challenge of figuring out which animal will be driving a certain vehicle. Children must decide which of four different animals (e.g., a lizard, a gorilla, a pig, and a donkey) wearing different types of clothing is appropriately dressed to drive a particular vehicle (e.g., a race car). Before your child guesses, ask him what clues he notices. Then turn the page to find the answer and discuss the results.
5. The Odd One Out, by Britta Teckentrup (ages 4-6) Before you begin reading, you might discuss with your child what the word odd means. In this beautifully illustrated picture book, readers need to find the “odd one out.” Each page offers a clue, for example, one page says, “Some cuddly pandas have put on a show, jiggling bellies as white as the snow. In among all of this hullabaloo, which panda has lost its shoot of bamboo?” As the pages progress, the animals become smaller and more numerous, making it that much harder for your child to find the outlier while also encouraging her to make more careful comparisons between animals.
6. Good Night, Gorilla, by Peggy Rathmann (ages 3-6) In this picture book, the gorilla takes the zookeeper’s keys and starts to unlock each animal’s cage. The color of each cage suggests which key the gorilla will need. Help your child notice this clue by asking: “The gorilla has five different keys. Which one would unlock the elephant’s purple cage?” The tile patterns below each cage also provide opportunities for asking your child to make observations.
7. The I Spy series, by Jean Marzollo (ages 3-6) This series provides numerous opportunities for you to help improve your child’s observation skills. You might say something like, “I spy something round, pink, and shiny,” and then ask your child to figure out what it is you see. Or give your child hints, such as, “I spy four things that all have a letter on them,” so that your child can carefully look for objects with those commonalities.
8. I Want My Hat Back, by Jon Klassen (ages 4-6) A bear looking for his (or her?) lost hat asks each animal he encounters, “Have you seen my hat?” Each animal’s answer then appears in a different color (e.g., green text for the frog). The cover of this picture book holds the most important clue—the color of the title is the color of the missing hat. Before opening this book, ask your child: “Why is the title red? What might that mean?” Encourage him to use that idea to successfully discover who stole the hat.

Yi-Chin Lan received her PhD in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Texas at Austin. When she worked as a kindergarten teacher, she read her students at least three books a day. Her favorite picture books are Miss Rumphius, Guess how much I love you, and Not a box. She can be reached at lollipop0913@gmail.com

By: Stephanie Morris

I first learned about NAEYC when my kids were in a full-time child care center and their teachers wanted to attend NAEYC’s Annual Conference and Expo. With other parents, I helped raise money so they could attend, and I was excited to hear about their experiences when the conference was over. As a parent, my knowledge of NAEYC started and stopped there. 

Fast forward several years to September 2013. I was in my fifth year of working for the American Council on Education. I LOVED working in the education arena, and ACE was a terrific experience, but I was ready for a new role and a new age group. The opportunity to interview for a position at NAEYC came my way, and I couldn’t have been more excited. 

I realized two things almost immediately—the Annual Conference was again in Washington, DC, and the membership discount to attend was a GREAT deal. Plus, I figured that to actually join and understand the membership experience would be a great way to prepare myself for the interview. 

The membership application process didn’t feel like it was for ME, as a parent. The questions on the application were (and are) about the age groups I served, the role I played as an early childhood educator, and the school or type of organization I worked for. Obviously, none of these questions applied to me as a parent (or so I thought). But I answered them as best I could, and as an official NAEYC member, I attended the conference and started receiving benefits, like issues of  Young Children and Teaching Young Children, as well as a variety of NAEYC’s new books.  

The content I received was incredibly helpful and relevant to me as a parent. It changed how I think about my kids’ developmental milestones, what I look for in choosing their preschool and schools, and how I engage with their teachers. It influenced my thinking when we had to make a  stressful decision regarding whether to enroll our 5-year-old in kindergarten. It equipped me to be a strong advocate when I attended my first Individualized Education Plan (IEP) meeting. It allowed me to really appreciate the “team behind my teacher” when we attended a parent–teacher conference that included so many support staff and teachers, including an occupational therapist, speech therapist, and special education teacher. And when we entered a new school this year and learned about the “exploratory learning time” our children would have each day—in addition to having no homework, wiggle seats, and sensory processing tools everywhere, and “brain breaks” that include yoga—I was seriously pumped about all of it because of what I’d learned as an NAEYC member. 

This was all so unexpected and yet so profoundly important in shaping our thinking about our children and their development. I will never forget sitting in a session at the 2013 Annual Conference and hearing Ellen Galinsky talk about the critical importance of visual cues for a baby’s development. She shared fascinating videos and talked at length about the science behind why infant teachers do what they do. It was astounding to me. And the content really clicked on a very personal level because we had just discovered that one of our kids was severely nearsighted. So much of what our child had missed in the first few years of life was evident to me in hearing Ellen speak, and I had a much better understanding of what we needed to do moving forward.  

Every day I realize how lucky I am to work for NAEYC. Every day I get to work with a committed, awesome staff to serve our members and to help advance early childhood education. But even more than that, I am so grateful to have stumbled into joining NAEYC and gained access to a world of content and resources that has helped shaped me as a parent. It gives me much food for thought and equips me to be my children’s strongest advocate and their “first best teacher.” It has also inspired me to encourage other parents and families to think about joining NAEYC, too. As a visitor to families.naeyc.org today, I hope you will think about doing the same. NAEYC membership is truly a gateway to so much great content and early childhood development information. 

Stephanie Morris is NAEYC’s deputy executive director for brand advancement, membership engagement,and professional learning.

When asked about school readiness skills, many teachers say children who succeed in kindergarten know when and how to control their impulses. They can follow through when a task is difficult and listen to directions for a few minutes. These skills are linked to self-control. Children can develop them at preschool and at home. Here are a few ways families can help children learn self-control.

Change the rules of a game to make it an opposite game. For example, instead of playing the familiar version of Simon Says, play Simon Doesn’t Say. Explain the new rule in words and actions: “Do the opposite of what Simon asks you to do. If Simon Says ‘Touch your head,’ you should touch your toes.” Be sure to demonstrate how this works. Keep directions simple. Take turns being Simon.

Finish what you are doing, then respond to requests for attention. For example, if you are on the phone and your child asks for something (and it’s not an emergency), let her know you need to take time to complete your conversation. This is a good way to let your child practice waiting for a short time.

Do activities together that require following directions. For example, put together a model, play follow the leader, or cook or bake: “I’m going to read the recipe aloud. Listen carefully so we will both know what to do. I’ll read them again as we do each step.”

Help children understand how long they will have to wait for something and suggest activities to do while they wait. Say to your child, “Grammy and Grampy are coming over before dinner. Would you like to draw some pictures to give them?” or “As soon as I put your sister to bed, I will read you some stories. You can choose three books for us to read together.”

Work with your child to complete a puzzle that has a few more pieces than he or she is used to. Set up the puzzle in a place where you can work on it for several days, if needed. Celebrate together when one of you puts the last piece in place.

Plant some easy-to-grow marigold seeds in a pot or in a garden. Check together every day until the plants pop up. Over time, watch the plant grow leaves and flowers.

Source: Adapted from the Message in a Backpack, Teaching Young Children 4 (2): 23

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

Young children enjoy many kinds of poems. And as they listen, they hear rhythms, sounds, and language patterns important for literacy development. Encourage the poet within your child with these poetry books and ideas.

Here’s a Little Poem: A Very First Book of Poetry
collected by Jane Yolen and Andrew Fusek Peters. Illus. by Polly Dunbar. 2007.
Selected with young children in mind, each poem relates to their day-to-day lives. The book includes many different kinds of short poems, from the silly “Dressing Too Quickly” to “The No-No Bird” about a child’s tantrum. Children can explore works by a variety of poets, including Jack Prelutsky, Margaret Wise Brown, and Langston Hughes.

In Aunt Giraffe’s Green Garden
by Jack Prelutsky. Illus. by Petra Mathers. 2007
Each of the 28 poems tells a unique rhyming story. Many mention specific U.S. locations. The humor, word choices, and topics are all perfect for preschoolers.

Read a Rhyme, Write a Rhyme
compiled by Jack Prelutsky. Illus. by Meilo
So. 2005.
Short poems describe topics like birthdays, rain, and turtles. “Poemstart” activities offer the first few lines of a new poem with ideas for finishing it. Read the first few lines out loud,then invite children to make up their own endings.

Try this!

Encourage rhyming. Read a short rhyming poem. As you reread it, stop before reading the second rhyming word to invite your child to finish the rhyme himself. It’s OK if children suggest words that don’t make sense or don’t rhyme.

Learn new words. Read a poem that introduces a new word or uses a familiar word in an unusual way. Ask, “Do you know what this word means? What other words could you use instead?”

Talk about what poems might mean. Some poems describe emotions or moods children have experienced. Others describe nature. Some have more than one meaning. After reading a poem, ask, “What do you think the poet was feeling? Have you ever felt like that?” Or "What do you think the poet was describing?"

Create poems. Discuss interests and feelings. Or go outside to find an inspiration in nature. Write down your child's words as she says them. Offer art materials so your child can illustrate her work. Remember, poems do not have to rhyme and can be about anything at all.

Source: Adapted from S. Friedman, 2008, "Poetry Books for Preschooler," Now Read This!,Teaching Young Children 2 (1): 1.

© National Association for the Education of Young Children — Promoting excellence in early childhood education

By Cathy Fink and Marcy Marxer

1. Bonding– When you sing to your baby, they bond with you and your voice. Singing makes yours the first and most important voice in her life. Your baby learns that you LOVE him!
2. Transitions– Babies feel safe when life is predictable. A song for waking up, sleeping, and other routine transitions and activities helps them know what comes next.  
3. Language– Language is in itself musical, and when you sing and speak, your baby learns about words, language, and communication. Through your singing, baby’s language comprehension begins.
4. New words– While you sing and hold your baby, you introduce new vocabulary. When you hold up a stuffed dog as you sing about a dog, baby learns to associate the name of that toy with the words you sing. When you sing about parts of the body and kiss your baby’s feet or tickle his tummy, he learns new words.
5. Rhythm and rhyme– Music includes rhythm and rhyme, again, part of our language. In time, babies will recognize rhymes and rhythms.
6. Play– Singing is one of many methods of play and “sing-play” is a fun way to interact with babies.
7. Family fun– Singing is a great way to involve older siblings in welcoming a new baby to the home. Singing to and playing with the baby builds a bond between siblings. Make singing a family activity.
8. Singing names– A baby can learn his name by hearing it in songs. Try substituting your baby’s name for other words in songs so he hears his name sung over and over again.
9. Listening skills– Like reading, singing is an activity that requires listening. It's another opportunity for your baby to begin to understand language and feelings expressed through language and sing-play.
10. LOVE– All of the above boils down to using your singing voice as a way to express love. Babies don't  care if you are a great singer. They only care that you are singing to THEM! In their eyes (and their ears), you'll be a star!

Cathy and Marcy are trailblazers in children's and family music. They play dozens of instruments from banjo and mandolin, to electric guitar, steel drum, and ukulele. Learn more about them online at http://www.cathymarcy.com/.

By Rachel Macy Stafford

Very rarely does one sentence have immediate impact on me.

Very rarely does one sentence change the way I interact with my family.

But this one did. It was not from Henry Thoreau or some renowned child psychologist. It was invaluable feedback from children themselves. And if I’ve learned anything on my Hands Free journey, it is that children are the true experts when it comes to grasping what really matters in life.

Here are the words that changed it all:

“… College athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel great, that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame. Their overwhelming response: ‘I love to watch you play.’”

The life-changing sentence came at the beginning of an article entitled, “What Makes a Nightmare Sports Parent and What Makes a Great One” which described powerful insights gathered over three decades by Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC. Although I finished reading the entire piece, my eyes went back and searched for that one particular sentence—the one that said, “I love to watch you play.”

I read the sentence exactly five times. Then I tried to remember the past conversations I had with my kids at the conclusion of their extracurricular activities. Upon completion of a swim meet, a music recital, a school musical, or even a Sunday afternoon soccer game, had I ever said, “I like to watch you play”?  I could think of many occasions when I encouraged, guided, complimented, and provided suggestions for improvement. Did that make me a nightmare sports parent? No, but maybe sometimes I said more than was needed.

 By nature, I am a wordy person—wordy on phone messages (often getting cut off by that intrusive beep) and wordy in writing (Twitter is not my friend). And although I have never really thought about it, I’m pretty sure I’m wordy in my praise, too. I try not to criticize, but when I go into extensive detail about my child’s performance it could be misinterpreted as not being “good enough.”  Could I really just say, “I love to watch you play,” and leave it at that? And if I did, would my children stand there clueless at the next sporting event or musical performance because I had failed to provide all the extra details the time before?

Well, I would soon find out. As luck would have it, my then eight-year-old daughter had a swim meet the day after I read the article.

Her first event was the 25-yard freestyle. At the sound of the buzzer, my daughter exploded off the blocks and effortlessly streamlined beneath the water for an excruciating amount of time. Her sturdy arms, acting as propellers, emerged from the water driving her body forward at lightning speed. She hadn’t even made it halfway down the lane when I reached up to wipe away the one small tear that formed in the corner of my eye.

Since my older daughter began swimming competitively several years ago, I have always had this same reaction to her first strokes in the first heat. I cry and turn away so no one sees my blubbering reaction.

I cry not because she’s going to come in first.

I cry not because she’s a future Olympian or scholarship recipient.

I cry because she’s healthy; she’s strong; she’s capable.

And I cry because I love to watch her swim.

Oh my. Those six words …I love to watch her swim. I had always felt that way—tearing up at every meet, but I hadn’t said it in so many words … or should I say, in so few words.

 After the meet, my daughter and I stood in the locker room together, just the two of us. I wrapped a warm, dry towel around her shivering shoulders. And then I looked into her eyes and said, “I love to watch you swim. You glide so gracefully; you amaze me. I just love to watch you swim.”  Okay, so it wasn’t quite six words, but it was a huge reduction in what I normally would have said. And there was a reaction—a new reaction to my end of the swim meet “pep talk.”

My daughter slowly leaned into me, resting her damp head against my chest for several seconds, and expelled a heavy sigh. And in doing so, I swear I could read her mind: The pressure’s off. She just loves to watch me swim; that is all. I knew I was onto something.

Several days later, my then five-year-old daughter had ukulele practice. It was a big day for her. The colored dots that lined the neck of her instrument since she started playing almost two years ago were going to be removed. Her instructor believed she was ready to play without the aid of the stickers. After removing the small blue, yellow, and red circles, her instructor asked her to play the song she has been working on for months, Taylor Swift’s “Ours.” With no hesitation, my daughter began strumming and singing. I watched as her fingers adeptly found their homes—no need for colorful stickers to guide them.  With a confident smile, my daughter belted out her favorite line, “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind; people throw rocks at things that shine… ”  As her small, agile fingers maneuvered the strings with ease, I had to look away. My vision blurred by the tears that formed. In fact, this emotional reaction happens every time she gets to that line of the song. Every. Single. Time. 

I cry not because she has perfect pitch.

I cry not because she is a country music star in the making.

I cry because she is happy; she has a voice; and she is free.

And I cry because I love to watch her play.

I’ll be darned if I hadn’t told her this in so many words … or rather, in so few words. My child and I exited the room upon the completion of her lesson. As we walked down the empty hallway, I knew what needed to be said.  I bent down, and looking straight into her blue eyes sheltered behind pink spectacles I said, “I love to watch you play your ukulele. I love to hear you sing.”It went against my grain to not elaborate, but I said nothing about the dots, nothing about the notes, and nothing about her pitch. This was a time to simply leave it at that. My child’s face broke into her most glorious smile—the one that causes her eyes to scrunch up and become little slices of joy. And then she did something I didn’t expect. She threw herself against me, wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, and whispered, “Thank you, Mama.”And in doing so, I swear I could read her mind. The pressure’s off. She loves to hear me play; that is all.   

Given the overwhelmingly positive reactions of my daughters when presented with the short and sweet “I love to watch you play” remark, I knew I had a new mantra. Not that I would say it like a robot upon command or without reason, but I would say it when I felt it—when tears come unexpectedly to my eyes or when suddenly I look down and see goose bumps on my arms.

Pretty soon I found myself saying things like:

“I love to hear you read.”

“I love to watch you ride your scooter around the loop with your hair flying in the wind.”

“I love to watch you hold roly poly bugs so gently in your hand.”

“I love to watch you help your friends in need.”

I quickly realized how important it was to express that heart-palpitating kind of love that comes solely from observing someone you adore in action. But there was more. I learned that this powerful phrase is not exclusive to children and teens.  This revelation hit me when my husband, donned with white bandage on his arm from giving blood, was hoisting a large trash bag as we cleaned the art room at a center for residents with autism. I watched him from the corner of the room where I was dusting shelves with my younger daughter. Embarrassingly, I had to turn away so no one saw me tear up. In that moment, I reflected on other recent events where I had been going about my business and had to stop to take pause. Moments when I stopped to watch my husband in action simply to admire the loving person, the devoted husband, and caring father he is. But had I ever told him in so few words? It was time. And since writing is much easier for me than speaking, I immediately wrote my observations down. There were no long-winded paragraphs or flowery descriptions, just words of love, plain and simple:

I love watching you help our daughter learn to roller skate.

I love watching you teach her how to throw the football.

I love watching you take care of your employees in times of need or uncertainty.

I love watching you interact with your brother and sister.

I love watching you read side by side with our daughter.

I love watching you take care of our family.

I typed up his note and left it on his dresser. I don’t know what his initial reaction was, but that is not what is important. I feel these things, so I should say these things.  When simply watching someone makes your heart feel as if it could explode right out of your chest, you really should let that person know.

It is as simple and lovely as that.

Rachel Macy Stafford is a certified special education teacher with a Master’s Degree in education and ten years experience working with parents and children.  In December 2010, this life-long writer felt compelled to share her journey to let go of daily distraction and grasp what really matters by creating the blog, “Hands Free Mama.” Rachel’s mission is to provide individuals with the inspiration, motivation, and tools to let go of daily distractions so they can grasp the moments in life that matter. 

Our Learning Moments is a blog where families can share stories about their own and their children’s learning. We want to hear from you! We’ll be posting stories from families about young children’s (birth through age 8) learning moments on an ongoing basis. Please use this form to submit your story ideas!